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|Hi, we're really, really dull|
There are two types of bands that I don't like. The first is merely a vague dislike, accompanied by a sense of disbelief that such an ordinary sounding act has done so well, I still fail to understand the allure of Foo Fighters, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, U2 or Paramore.
The second type though are the 'Dad bands', these are the sort of acts that appear slightly edgy, almost as if they walked past Slash in a hotel corridor and caught a whiff of real rock and roll. They appear on the fringes of the rock scene, but always tainted by the allure of pop and indie. Their fans tend to be people whose interest in music halted at when they left university, when it became just too much trouble to seek out anything new and different. They are safe as houses, performing to big seated arenas, they use guitars just enough not be labelled a pop band yet they cannot pull out a big enough riff ever to be really called rock. You know who they are, Oasis, James, U2 (again), Franz Ferdinand, Kaiser Chiefs, Coldplay, Snow Patrol, Keane, Radiohead.
The thing is about rock music, it's supposed to be edgy, it's meant to excite you and upset your parents, if you're at a U2 performance (and please don't called U2 shows gigs) and everyone else in your row is a 45 year old marketing manager from Cheshire who drove to the arena in his BMW X3, then you are doing it wrong. Look also at the cost of your concert ticket, is it £7 to see three bands in the upstairs room of a backstreet city pub, or is it £138 to further line the pockets of Queen's multi-millionaire poodle haired Brian May. If it is the latter, then again you are doing it wrong.
At what point did the thrill of the new, or even just the thrill of the interesting, die in some people. When did it all become just too much effort, yes there was a point in your life Status Quo were still a proper hard rock band and hairy men in denim jackets headbanged at the front, but go to Quo now and it's like a Saga night out, comfy seats, organised sing-a-longs and people drinking decaffeinated lattes in the bar. Don't you remember what it was like when the band were on the up, when it was all fresh and viscerally thrilling ? Yes ? Well there are new bands that will give you that same buzz.
Just for research purposes, I'm listening to a bit of Coldplay while I'm writing this and oh deary me, it's so bloody dreary. Sad young man wails tunelessly over jingly guitars as he waits his turn in the queue for Dignitas, how the bloody hell can you excited over this crap ? It's absolutely bloody dreadful, Chris Martin makes Ian Curtis sound like Ken Dodd.
U2 - boring, Oasis - boring and derivative, Snow Patrol - snore, James - turn up the volume and not only will your Mum not complain, she'll sing along, Keane - I actually own a Keane album, was I drunk ? Depressed ? Deaf ?
I'm sorry, I was going to write a bit more, but I have to get back to some decent music, Radiohead have just come on and I'm losing the will to ......