Some days, I would really like to be able to like and appreciate the things that other people do, really I would. I would love to be at a disco listening to whatever passes for chart hits today and be able to think "Hey, not bad, I think I'll dance to this" instead of "This is shit, my TomTom makes better noises than this."
I'd like to be able to see the appeal of mass market Hollywood movies instead of obscure, low budget Korean language movies, it would make cinema visits so much more convenient. Wouldn't it be nice if I could, even just for a few minutes, understand the quite incredible hold that people like Jordan and any number of X-Factor wannabes have on the broader public imagination which results in the avalanche of clone celebrity magazines that fill the supermarket shelves.
It might even be nice to be able to stand wearing a sweatshirt or pair of trousers emblazoned with Nike or Firetrap or Famous Stars And Stripes, because to be quite honest it would make shopping for clothes so much easier. I went in half a dozen gents clothes shops last week and couldn't find a single t-shirt or pair of pants that I would consider wearing, and yet lots of other blokes were trying stuff on and making purchases and seemed quite happy with their choice of apparel. Flash back a couple of years though, and my wife is astonished that only hours after buying a pair of DC trainers, she has caught me using a hot knife to remove the rubber logo from the heels of both shoes. In my own mind there is nothing strange in this, I am now the owner of a perfectly decent, brand free, pair of pumps.
It might be quite nice if I could gain an appreciation for chick-lit or low brow crime fiction or generic thrillers instead of having a taste for weird comics and hard to read classics, you know, conversation with other people might be easier, might flow better, if I could like the things they like instead of habitually banging on about the last 1001 Must Read novel I've ploughed through or the blood drenched / weird / unhinged comic series I have become fixated with.
The truth is, I often feel like a square peg in round hole, and until the entire nation turns to a love of heavy metal, cricket, fine food, foreign language horror movies and a deeper understanding of the mind of Garth Ennis, then I'm always going to be the same. I have a feeling though, that being the awkward bugger I am, if everyone else did just that, I'd then be saying "Hey, did you see last night's episode of Glee ? It was quality."