Friday, July 16, 2010

The "Black Boy", bilingual pub signs...Image via Wikipedia
Women, What The Hell Is Wrong With You ?

Four blokes walk into a pub, first bloke walks up to the bar, asks his mates what they want to drink, orders the drinks, and pays for all of them. Simple. When the men have a second round, a different man will pay for all four drinks.  Very simple.

Four women do similar, except....   Sarah is still in the toilets doing her make up, and Rachel has stopped at one of the outside tables to talk to someone she knows.  Helen orders two drinks, because only Claire and herself are actually at the bar, and she forces the long suffering barman to recite the entire list of soft drinks they stock before saying "Actually I'll just have a lemonade." Helen now gets her purse out, this requires some fumbling around in the giant handbag she carries (as an aside, women's handbags are now on average larger than my hiking rucksack, why ? What the hell do need all that room for ?).

After retrieving her handbag Helen finds she hasn't brought enough money, so she offers the barman her credit card, the barman politely explains, but still with an undertone of will you please get on with this, that he can only accept credit cards for transactions of over £10.  Sarah now arrives at the bar, and the barman is forced to recite the list of drinks again, this time punctuated by Sarah asking "But don't you have any guava juice / kumquat smoothie / durian pulp, "No, no, and thrice no." "OK, I'll just have a lemonade then."  Sarah now offers to pay, but Claire objects because Sarah bought her a drink three weeks ago and she hasn't paid her back yet and Helen has to pay because Claire bought the first round of drinks last week. 

Meanwhile, Helen has found a ten pound note in her second purse, and Rachel has finally come inside and is asking the barman what soft drinks he has, the barman is fumbling under the bar for the shillelagh and the four blokes who came in earlier are waving empty pint glasses in the vain hope of getting the barman's attention.

When the women have a second round of drinks, this performance will be repeated, with added comments about the lack of kumquats.  Women, why do you behave like this ?  Don't you like your friends ?  When I go out for a beer with my mates I buy a round in the full and certain knowledge that at some point, maybe later tonight, maybe next time we're out, all my mates will buy me a drink in return.  It doesn't need any discussion, or any penny pinching tallying of amounts spent, what goes around comes around you know, and I'll receive a pint of cool, foaming beer sooner or later.

Women, what the hell is wrong with you ?



Or is this just lady golfers ?
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5 comments:

  1. No YS, as an ex landlord I can confirm that it's not just lady golfers. It's a species thing!

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  2. Men are just more beer focused, the details are unimportant.

    P

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  3. i can confirm it's this way across the pond too, like tony said, must be a species thing

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  4. Squirt10:25 am

    Now now boys... You're just hanging out with the wrong girls!! Hic x

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  5. The Lurker7:51 am

    How I used to hate Ladies Day working for you lot... I wouldn't mind but when they eventually found their purses there must have been thousands of pounds sat in there!

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