Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Tiger Woods Sex Tape

World Exclusive Tiger Woods Sex Tape.

Ever so faintly NSFW I suppose.
Nir-GaGa ?

And six blog posts before 9am, yes, I have insomnia again.
Sir Quo

They all join the establishment in the end, but to be honest, Status Quo are the establishment, they've been around for ever, and now Rick Parfitt and Francis Rossi have been awarded OBE's for their services to music and charity. Well done Sirs, I'm just listening to Forty-Five Hundred Times which you wrote back in the last century.

Also getting a gong today is top Tyke (born in Mirfield, Yorkshire) Patrick Stewart, RSC stalwart, and the best ever Star Trek captain.

"In 1957, at the age of 17, he embarked on a two-year acting course at the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School. He lost most of his hair while still young but he successfully marketed himself to theatre producers after performing an audition with and without a wig, heralding his performance as "two actors for the price of one." (From Wiki)
England Hammer South Africa With Innings Victory

What a fabulous effort from the England team after they looked patchy in the first test and came within a whisker of throwing it away. In the second test though they team batted admirably, Bell quieting his many critics for the moment with a fine 140, opener Alastair Cook has also had a shaky run so far in South Africa but dropped anchor and ground out a solid and workmanlike 118 and with Collingwood falling just shy of a century on 91 England built a massive first innings total of 574-9 Dec.

South Africa found our bowlers just as hard to handle as the batsmen had been, Graeme Swann (above) and Broad led the charge and although SA made a fair fist of it in their first innings, early wickets in their 2nd innings shattered their confidence and they plummeted to 133 all out and an innings and 98 run defeat.

I saw a stat on Cricinfo that said England have not inflicted an innings defeat on SA since 1964, well, it was a long time coming, but most enjoyable.

South Africa began 2009 as the world's #1 test playing nation, England were a lowly 6th place, SA have slipped to 2nd as India took the top spot and England have gained a place to move into 5th, but with victory in The Ashes this summer a series win over Sa could propel them higher. Tonight, England will be looking forward to the New Year, South Africa will be wanting to forget the old one.
'Sir - I find it intensely humiliating to be asked by airport security staff if I have packed my own bag. This forces one to admit, usually within the earshot of others, that I no longer have a manservant to do the chore for me..."

- from "Am I Alone In Thinking : Unpublished Letters To The Daily Telegraph" Ed by Iain Hollingshead.
The Art of Oliver Wetter

World In My Eyes.

A Very Strange Fruit.

The Poisoned Apple.

Pale Assassine.

Final 1.

You can browse, commission and buy Oliver Wetter's art here at Fantasio Fine Arts.
'Bradford for cash,
Halifax for dash,
Wakefield for pride and poverty,
Huddersfield for show,
Sheffield what's low,
Leeds for dirt and vulgarity.' - trad Yorkshire Rhyme.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Junior D&D

Last night we held the inaugral Junior D&D night, six under 9's doing a simple dungeon hack, break down the door - kill the monster - steal the treasure. I think it is fair to say that the boys enjoyed it more than the girls, but, the boys are all a little older than the girls so that a difference.

Anyway, our brave heroes went out to investigate a ruined castle where Goblin raiders were thought to be hiding out, they got in, killed everything and stole all the treasure, result ! On the rules side, the children seemed to be coping quite well, although with the general level of chaos going on around the table it was difficult to tell at times.

The adult section will be resuming D&D soon, with a slightly modified 3e game. I had to admit to the group last night that I seem to have lost/thrown out the folder that contained all my notes on the game world, but not to worry, we'll just make it up as we go along again.
The 'Against Reading' Survey

Q2) How do you decide what book to read next ? Are you flexible, schematic, list making ? Do you pause in between books or go directly from one book to the next ? Do you read mostly in one or two genres, or do you jump from one style to another, do you have genre binges or phases ?

With novels, of which I usually only read one or two at a time, I always like to be into a novel, so even if I have just finished something like a huge Stephen Erikson tome I'll pick another novel from my shelves right away, it may even have been selected in anticipation of completing the previous book. I read more books at the same time in winter when work is quieter, in summer I tend to only read one book at a time.

I have four bookcases in my office, vaguely arranged into cookbooks and wine books, D&D stuff, magazines, maps and walking books, reference books, books I have read and really enjoyed and may read again at some point (this includes Terry Pratchett, Stephen Erikson, China Meiville, Tolkein) and last, but taking up a lot of shelf space, books I have not read yet.

The 'to be read' shelves include a whole shelf of Wordsworth Classics, various used books from charity shops, Bookcrossing and Amazon Marketplace and new books bought both full price and from discount bookstores. I do acquire more books than I read and this necessitates the occasional shelf clearing.

To choose a book, there are dozens of unread books on my shelves so it's like having my own personalised bookshop. After a serious tome I may go for a change of pace with a space opera, after something light and frothy I'd probably go for something of a classic 'serious' novel. If a series is a trilogy I'd usually read that back to back, but in a longer series (like Harry Potter) I read other books in between.

I am always seduced by new books in shops, new books grab my attention and I always feel tempted to get started on them right away.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Free Music Downloads, Reverbnation/Windows Playlist 7

Playlist 7

This is a neat idea, you become a fan of Windows 7 on Facebook , then you can download 7 songs (or more) every week from Reverbnation's rosta of unsigned artists. The 7 songs are from the 7 most downloaded unsigned/independent artists on Reverbnation in the past week, you can download as many songs as you like each week, and the first seven tracks you choose get a vote each towards next week's front page Playlist 7.

Last week's eclectic Playlist featured....

Nightwalker by Clara Berry, a downbeat indie pop ballad that might appeal to fans of Bat For Lashes.

Glass Delerium - Glass Delerium, a frankly weird big band meets symphonic metal effort, I've downloaded some more tracks from their Scrobbler page and they are much more mainstream goth/symphonic metal than this track suggests.

If I Ever - Johnny Bennett, light AOR, quite well done even if it doesn't move me.

Strange And Loud - L. David Segovia, I like this, there are some classical guitar bits in here, some electric guitars, vocals that sound faintly like 80's Brit goth.

Gimme Some Sugar - Ramona The Band, slow electronic pop with breathy female vocals, nice.

December Nights - Red Leaf, 5 piece indie/rock outfit from East Anglia, nice track, modern metal with hints of emo.

Omoge Akoka - Ya-B, a slow beat with Ya-B's controlled spoken rapping, this is pretty good, it reminds me a little of Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio, more in terms of feel than rap style.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

"Mam Mam, t'milkman's 'ere, ee says ave yer got brass or shud ah go awt and play for a bit ?"
YS Reader's Album Of The Year

Muse's 5th studio album was the clear favourite amongst Yorkshire Soul readers. It was an album of two parts, some very good and traditional Muse prog rock songs, and then a three part classical/rock symphony.

Colin Meloy's Portland folk band beefed up their sound with some Black Sabbath-esque guitars for this weird and wonderful concept album, songs of love, lust and infanticide made for captivating listening.

Madness came back in 2009 with a wonderful concept album based around the band's first stomping grounds in Norton Folgate, London. It was rich and varied, in turn whimsical and poignant, and a quite stunning return to form.

A prog rock/chamber pop concept album ostensibly about cricket but touching on larger themes of love, loyalty, passion and loss, oh, and a whole song about Shane Warne's 'ball of the century.'

2009 - The Year of the Concept Album ?
A White Christmas In Ilkley

The stone bridge, it was snowing heavily and like a fool I waded out into the river to try and get a better angle, pretty soon I wished I had re-waterproofed my hiking boots.

In the park, there were loads of choldren and adults sledging and having snowball fights.

The footpath that runs from the 18th at IGC round to the stone bridge.

The 18th green at Ilkley Golf Club in glorious winter sun a day earlier.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas to all my family and friends.

Here at Yorkshire Soul mansions we're having a white Christmas, Meg spent yesterday afternoon building a big snowman in the car park.

Oi ! Hang on a minute, that's my favourite leather hat he's wearing ! Ruddy snowmen, always scrounging things.

I hope you all have a wonderful, happy, peaceful and love filled day, eat and drink a bit too much, fall asleep through the Queen's speech and generally have a great time.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Moving On

Sometimes people just drift apart, and I guess that is what has happened with me and Aegis Evolution, although I have lived, fought and died alongside these fine capsuleers, we seem to have become strangers to each other.

My autodoc tells me that this can happen after you've died a couple of times and woken up in a new clone, you can begin to feel detached from people, from life, from everything. After waking up the second time in a new body I went travelling, not working, but just living on board the Ashanti Lightning and jumping from system to system, region to region, I partied hard on every station I docked at, but when you've been drunk or drugged a hundred times you can't tell a Caldari whore from a Gallente hooker.

I even tried going down on a planet surface, planet's are weird, they smell weird, the gravity isn't right, when I'm in the Megathron I am a god, at one with the massive machine that surrounds and holds me, on a planet surface I became a naked immortal. I can't connect with surface dwellers, I'm a machine head, hard wired to talk to spaceship AI's, surface dwellers seem slow witted and dull by comparison.

So, I quit Aegis and roamed around, I started doing a little bit of work again, mining and producing ammo when this guy hails me on the system chat frequency, you get hailed all the time, I guess people just like to talk, but this time I opened the comms and talked back. We talked for a while, his ancestors are Swedish, mine are French, we swapped insults and tech talk and then he made me an offer, the sort of offer I've had a hundred times over this long and lonely year, join my crew. They sounded like my sort of guys, anti-pirate, industrialists, miners and traders but with a strong combat arm to their Alliance, so I said yes.

For the next week I flew constantly, moving all my fleet from my old home to the new base, bouncing between jump clones to fetch ships and equipment for far flung places, and now I'm settled down again with a new corp, so settled in fact that I've invested in this thing....

That's an Orca, a massive industrial support ship, it even dwarfs my battleship, but carries no guns obviously. It's about the biggest thing you're allowed to dock at an Empire station, you could probably fly a shuttle around in its vast cargo bays. It was quite a cost, including the skills I need to pilot the thing I have spent quite a chunk of my savings, so now it's time to put the beast to work with my new corp and earn some serious money again.

Signing off, China Flex, capsuleer.
Hot Pop Chicks - Lady GaGa

Last Week's Listening

1 The 12th Man 64 - "Canary yellow ? That's Australian gold my friend and don't you f**cking forget it!"
2 Lady GaGa 59 - or, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta
3 Aerosmith 50 - Aerosmith are no more, such a shame
4 Airbourne 48 - Meat and two veg classic metal
5 The Beatles 47 - Back when Macca was any good
6 Little Boots 45 - Blackpool's finest elctro pop
6 Marilyn Manson 45 - Keeping eyeliner sales high
6 AC/DC 45 - They just wanna be Airbourne
10 Fleet Foxes 43 - Seattle Indie-Folk superstars
10 Magnum 43 - Tony, we miss the hat

Monday, December 21, 2009

The 'Against Reading' Survey

I am reading a fascinating book called The Solitary Vice (Against Reading) by Mikitta Brottman which examines in some detail people's reading habits and looks at how literature changes both your experience of the real world and your own personality. There is a ten question survey early on in the book which I'm going to answer some or all of here on the blog, please do add your own answers in the comments.

1) What books are you currently reading ? (You have to answer without going to check titles/authors)

War And Peace - Leo Tolstoy
1001 Books You Must Read - Peter Boxall
The Solitary Vice - Mikitta Brottman (if the book wasn't next to me I would not have remembered the author)
Waste - ?
500 Ways To Change The World - ?
Help For Heroes - the foreword is by that Eastenders actor
A Cycle Trip Down America ?

One book (TSV) I could only remember the author because the book is lying next to me, for three other books I cannot recall the author's name, and for the cycling book I cannot remember either the proper title or the author's name.
After The Cricket, A Strong Drink

To settle my frayed nerves, oh deary me, to be an England cricket fan is to be regularly reduced to a state of fretful, anxious, overwrought, edge of the seat distress. Heading into the final fifteen overs yesterday England looked to be heading calmly and purposefully for a draw, 3 wickets down on a flat looking pitch, nothing to worry about.

But then ! Trott falls to a wonderful catch and England suddenly lose their heads and nearly all their remaining wickets leaving England fans watching in horror and disbelief. 5 wickets fell and those batsmen made 5 runs between them, only Paul Collingwood had the necessary grit and determination to stop South Africa going 1-0 up in the series.

The 2nd test in Durban starts on Boxing Day, by then the horrors of the last hour at Centurion will have dimmed somewhat, come on England, it is supposed to be the festive season, don't be turning me into a gibbering wreck hiding behind the settee.
A Happy Metal Christmas To You

Yes folks, we did it, around half a million people (or 100,000 people with 5 downloads each) agreed with John and Tracey Morter's thought that they'd had enough of the X-Factor's manufactured pop every Christmas and instead propelled Rage Against The Machine's expletive filled Killing In The Name Of to the Christmas #1 spot.

X-Factor fans and people who hate the song are now falling all over themselves in an effort to prove that the people who bought Rage were as manipulated just as much as people who bought Joe McElderry's cover version single. There are different levels of manipulation though, X-Factor has a ten week long prime advertising television show backed up by massive coverage in the popular press and media, the Rage campaign was started two weeks ago by a couple launching a Facebook group which then snowballed.

Heavy metal is an odd thing to have in the charts at all, never mind at the top spot for Christmas, and this isn't because it doesn't sell well. Many of the biggest selling music acts in the world are rock bands, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, AC/DC, Metallica, U2, Iron Maiden all shift millions of albums and sell out vast tours which grind on for months at a time. There are hundreds of other rock and metal bands out there who have had very successful careers, sold vast amounts of music and yet have hardly touched the mainstream consciousness at all, Rancid, Megadeth, Slayer, Anthrax, Thrice, Sepultura, Bad Religion, Pantera, these are names that every rock/metal fan knows well, but whose wider impact has been much less pronounced.

The thing is, when you're a metalhead it is a bit like being a Leeds United fan, everyone hates but we don't care, and if you're a metal loving LUFC fan, well, you're doubly buggered mate. The BBC and especially Radio 1 hate us, hang on they cry, you've got the Rock Show, oh yes, a couple of hours tucked away on the time schedule in a dark deserted corner. Under my musical heroes Alan Freeman and Tommy Vance, the Rock Show used to be on mid Friday night, now it begins at midnight on a Tuesday where current disc spinner Daniel Carter presumably hopes that he gains a few more listeners via i-Player and podcast download. The rest of the media tend to ignore metal until someone eats a bat.

Radio 1 made one of its few forays into live rock music broadcasting when it put out The Wildhearts gig from Leeds about ten years ago. Ginger paused in between songs and asked the crowd whether they would like to say something to Radio 1, he counted down 3 - 2 - 1 and as one the crowd bellowed "Fuck Off!". This probably isn't the reply you'd get to the same request at a Leona Lewis gig, but Leona's fans wouldn't feel that their preferred music is marginalised and ignored.

Something that did make me laugh about the Rage campaign was hearing two Radio 1 (DJ's ? Presenters ? Why do they need a small crowd of people in the studio to do one show ?) DJ's freaking out at the Killing In The Name Of, and not because of the swearing, but because the song is five and half minutes long. A lot of pop songs weigh in at the 3-4 minute range, this doesn't work for metal which often needs a couple of minutes for a classical violin intro, four minutes of actual song, then another two minutes of solos by guitar / drums / keyboards / heavy artillery.

I think part of the reason that this campaign has excited such strong public opinion, both for and against, is that rock and metal really do care about their music. Like myself, metalheads tend to be of the opinion that music should be written by the band, that the band must be able to play their instruments, and that the band must be able to perform live, the X-Factor wouldn't work in a metal setting because metal fans don't want someone who can do a passable imitation of Till Lindemann, they want either....

a) The real Till Lindemann


b) Why don't you stop pissing around with cover versions and form a band instead you lazy tosser ?

It isn't really a case of we are metal and nobody likes us but we don't care, in the words of another big selling rap metal band "We care a lot about you people yeah you bet we care a lot." Thanks to everyone that made RATM #1 this week, here's to real music, rock 'til you drop.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

The Madness Of Football

Under Mark Hughes, Manchester City have only lost two matches all season, granted they have spent and incredible amount of money on players, and their run of form in the last 10 games has produced 7 draws, but who can understand why the manager was sacked after a victory against Sunderland ?

Surely you sack the manager after a defeat, or even yet another draw ? Surely you don't sack the bloke after he's managed to get the team to win a match ? This though is the state of modern English football and its billionaire playboy owners, they think that if you throw together a team bought from the owner's almost endlessly deep pockets then that team will instantly be good enough to sweep all before them.

I still like football, but year on year the game becomes harder to love, the constant diving, cheating and foul back chat from the most senior professionals angers me, the stupidity of owners and chairmen astounds me. Can you believe that the manager of non-league amateur Kettering was sacked after failing to beat league 1 leaders Leeds United ? What goes through the minds of these people ?

Anyway, bafflement at soccer stupidity aside, England are 100-3 and KP's batting like he thinks there's a game on.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Ataque de Pánico!

This is quite special, it is so well done that it makes you wonder if this wasn't actually made for a few hundred dollars as advertised, but is actually a viral for a big budget film.

Fede Alvarez is the name of the director behind this excellent sci-fi short, and much like Neill Blomkamp's District 9 which started life as a sci-fi short film, Ataque de Panico is now going to be made into a full length big budget movie. The director will be Sam Raimi, but let's hope that they make the film in Uruguay and do not transfer it to the USA.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Then I found this RATM/Zapanista styled baby Jesus poster.
This Song Makes Me Want To.....

...Shout 'Fuck You' in public...
...slam around in a mosh pit like a wild man...
...change the world... corrupt politicians and officials from public office...
...stand in front of the tanks at Tianenmen...
...explode with rage when people tell me they can't be bothered to vote...
...start a revolution...
...destroy the BNP...

What does the music of Joe McElderry make you want to do ?

KITNO edited lyrics.....

"Killing in the name of!
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses

And now you do what they told ya
But now you do what they told ya
Well now you do what they told ya

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!"

Many people have pinted out that RATM are signed to the same label as Syco's acts are, and thus buying RATM will only benefit the company that already benefits from X-Factor. Some years ago Tom Morello from RATM said this when being accused of political hypocrisy...

“When you live in a capitalistic society, the currency of the dissemination of information goes through capitalistic channels. Would Noam Chomsky object to his works being sold at Barnes & Noble? No, because that's where people buy their books. We're not interested in preaching to just the converted. It's great to play abandoned squats run by anarchists, but it's also great to be able to reach people with a revolutionary message, people from Granada Hills to Stuttgart.” - Tom Morello.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Simon Cowell Needs A Tinfoil Hat

Simon Cowell is getting his knickers in a right old twist about the Facebook campaign which is trying to get Rage Against The Machine's 'Killing In The Name Of' to the Christmas #1 spot ahead of, er, without checking I actually have no idea who won the X-Factor, hang on.....

.....Joe McElderry.

Poor old Simon has been bleating on to anyone that will listen...."I think the campaign is aimed directly at me, it's stupid. Me having a number 1 record at Christmas time is not going to change my life particularly."

We know Simon, the X-Factor has already pumped up your already swollen bank account, and the few quid you cream off this year's potential chart topper won't actually make much difference, but to a large section of the population, the chance to say no to Simon Cowell, The X-Factor and all the bullshit that it represents is just too good a chance to pass up.

"I also think it's incredibly dismissive of the people who watch and enjoy the show where they treat our audience as if they're stupid and I don't like that," he moaned earlier.

I don't think that the viewers of X-Factor are stupid, but I would say that perhaps they have become lazy and detached from real music, they have become placidly happy with comfortable, rehashed, warmed over cover songs and have forgotten the real excitement of new music and more challenging lyrics. X-Factor is not creating talent, it is stifling it, it encourages smiling bland conformity, and yes it's easy to point a finger and say "but you're all buying the same download", next week and next year though the alt fans will all be out buying a myriad different acts which are not dictated to us by a single domineering television show.

So perhaps RATM won't get to #1, perhaps all this publicity will force the easily pleased out to buy Joe McElderry's single and he'll get there, but just this once, in the face of the day to day overwhelming blandness that our popular music industry has become, just this week a large crowd of us would like to turn to Simon Cowell and his cronies, and we would like to shout, nice and loud....

Fuck You, I Won't Do What You Tell Me.
Question Of The Week

So, we're on the settee watching Life with Keira Knightley and Cheryl Cole, and we will be eating pepperoni pizza, and to drink......, we'll have a cool foaming pint of micro brewery real beer or a glass of nice red wine.

For this week's QOTW we'll take a slightly different format, I'm looking for what you think was the best album or albums of the year, there will be a few suggestions in the question box and you can post your own suggestions in the comments, I'll combine both to get our definitive album list for next week.
Party Time

BBC News - The Death Of The Christmas Party

Is your employer giving you a Christmas Party this year ? Have they cut down on party spending ?

We are delaying our staff do until January, not out of any fiscal necessity, but rather because we find it difficult to get everyone together on a single night in the middle of December. I'd rather go out for dinner, half the younger crew seem to want to go bowling, I'll be paying either way.

Monday, December 14, 2009

That Tony Blair Interview

YS : "So Tony, you'd have invaded Iraq even if Saddam Hussein did not posses Weapons of Mass Destruction ?"

TB : "Yes."

YS : "Would you have invaded if he only had missile systems similar to the ones used by China and North Korea."

TB : "Yes."

YS : "Would you have invaded if he only had long range artillery ?"

TB : "Yes."

YS : "Would you have invaded if he only had one old man armed with a WW2 Lee Enfield ?"

TB : "Yes."

YS : "Would you have invaded if he had green eggs and ham ?"

TB : "I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham."

YS : "Could you even find the words - truth, morals and conscience - in a dictionary."

TB : "Not in the copy I own."
Serial Adulterer Attacked In Street

In Milan yesterday an elderly Lothario was given a bloody nose, quite literally, whilst trying to expand his withering popularity.

Septuagenarian Silvio 'The Shagger' Berlusconi was explaining to a group of onlookers that "I am a good looking guy, a good guy" when an enraged member of the crowd stepped forward and punched him on the nose.

Italian Police said that the suspect was probably the husband of a woman that Berlusconi has had an affair with and as such they have made several dozen arrests.

When interviewed earlier about Silvio Berlusconi, Tiger Woods said "He is my role model, there is a man who had dedicated himself single mindedly to one thing, shagging hundreds of women, right into his mid seventies, sod beating Jack Nicklaus' record, I want to beat Berlusconi."

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I have managed to finish the current season of X-Factor without seeing one single cover song by one single drone on Simon Cowell's wallet stuffing mass production line, last weekend though I saw 30+ real bands who had all put in some effort to learn an instrument and then write and sing their own songs, hurrah for real music.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Burley Lions In Action

Golfing World Shocked By Further Revelations

The normally staid, indeed plaid world of professional golf suffered further shock waves this morning when a woman in Nether Poppleton claimed not to have slept with Tiger Woods.

"I know it sounds unlikely," said Doris Boslas, 83. "But I have not had sex with Tiger Woods or any other professional golfer. Mind you, that Roger Bannister was pretty good in the sack."

It is now thought that Tiger Woods has slept with nearly all the women, yes that's right, all the women, everywhere, including your sister, your mum and that slightly odd girl with the lisp that works at the petrol station.

In related news, Tiger Woods will be taking a break from golf to undergo not at all routine surgery to have a pitching wedge removed from his backside, shortly after this incident his wife Elin was heard to shout "Now that's what I call a hole in one."
Quick Multi Choice Quiz Of The Day - Have You Shagged Tiger Woods ?

1) Yes
2) Yes
3) Yes
4) No
5) That should have been yes

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Question Of The Week

So, we're on the settee watching Life with Keira Knightley and Cheryl Cole, and we will be eating pepperoni pizza, and to drink......

Monday, December 07, 2009

Gig Review - Hard Rock Hell III - Friday

Imicus - S3
The sound in the pub is better than yesterday and Imicus take full advantage to produce a solid and professional set. Thumping out 'Visceral' and 'Inveigle', both sides of their debut single, Imicus have an interesting take on contemporary metal, with a foot in nu-ish metal and the other firmly planted in classic rock, Imicus make good hard music, modern enough for the youngsters and tuneful enough for us older buggers.

You can get a free download and stream some other tracks at the Imicus scrobbler page.

Arthemis - S3
Italian power/thrash outfit Arthemis have been together for around ten years, during which time the UK and USA were seduced by the inferior sounds of emo, nu-metal, crossover rap and the poor song structure of a lot of contemporary rock. Europe though kept on producing bands like this who can write a decent song, who play big fast riffs, proper solos, vocals that are actually sung and the odd chorus to sing along to, Arthemis therefore are a properly entertaining metal act.

With 5 albums behind them already, Arthemis produce a short 'best of' set of real metal that gets the crowd well warmed up, a good set from a proper metal band.

Arthemis website.

Voodoo Johnson - S3
Pretty good, if I have a slight criticism it is that some of the songs were slightly too long and sounded a little samey. However, I'm just listening to 'The Longest Day I Ever Wasted' on their website and it sounds bloody great, so perhaps some of their finesse was lost in the pub sound.

Voodoo Johnson scrobbler page, you can stream songs here.

Dead Against The Rest - S3
I just caught a couple of songs from these guys, the music was good and the singer seemed very positive, good vocal projection and they were quite entertaining.

Hanging Doll - S3
Hurrah, some female vocals at last from the lovely flame haired Sally. HD are a symphonic goth metal band with rather too long songs sometimes, for a first experience of them anyway, shorter and snappier might work better than epic, but decent music and they were certainly a nice change of pace halfway through the afternoon.

You can stream some songs at their MySpace page.

Waylander - S2
Musically Waylander were better than I was expecting, and allowing Mrs Beecher's creche class to apply their scary war paint was a nice touch, but no points at all for that most hoary of all metal cliches "We don't like organised religion and I'm sure you agree," well, no actually. Waylander churn out a very heavy style of folk metal, but the vocals came too close to extreme metal growling for my liking.

You can stream songs at the Waylander MySpace.

Attica Rage - chalet gig
There are about 120 people loitering in the drizzle waiting for the AR chalet gig to happen, but delays caused by a lack of amps and a drum kit see half the folk wander off before they get started, I think the gig did go ahead but I'd left to see DAR on stage 2.

Die Apokalyptischen Reiter - S2
Easily the highest WTF ? moment of the weekend so far is achieved at the start of DAR's set when a man wearing spiky budgie smugglers and a gimp mask takes to the stage and twirls his whip for a while, how strange. He is followed by a slap bald bloke with a long pointy beard clad as some sort of cavalry officer, these merry chaps are respectively, keyboard player Dr. Pest and singer Fuchs from DAR.

DAR's music is a dark and solid, industrial tinged almost extreme metal, but with enough rythm to keep us trad metal fans happy. Fuchs especially proves to be a tremendous entertainer, bounding around the stage from side to side, climbing up the speakers, waving flags and exhorting the crowd to shout louder. I have not heard of Die Apokalyptischen Reiter before but I thought they were very impressive, good songs, a great live performance and definately a band I'll be looking out for.

Stream songs here at their MySpace page.

Hysterica - S2
Good and honest metal, even if the lyrics are a bit throwback/cheesy. The all girl Swedish five piece gain a decent sized audience on stage two, despite being in competition with Gun on stage one. They pump out half of their debut album Metalwar with admirable pomp and intensity, including the title track plus other similarly old school sounding titled tracks 'Girls Made Of Heavy Metal', 'We Are The Undertakers' and 'Bless The Beast.' Simple but effective verse chorus solo metal, Hysterica's uncomplicated style combined with a passionate approach is well received by the HRH crowd.

You can stream songs here at their MySpace Page.

Black Spiders - S2
I saw Black Spiders supporting The Wildhearts in September, they were good then and on a bigger stage the Sheffield lads are bloody great. Awesomely heavy but tight and controlled so their sound stays defined and doesn't descend into a blur of noise.

'St. Peter' is the high point of a ferocious set, RATT are playing over on S1 but a sizeable crowd are here to see Black Spiders. This was another storming performance from an up and coming band that every real metal fan should have on their watch list.

You can listen to Black Spiders here on their Scrobbler page.

Logan - S1
Not really my cup of tea, Logan were rather pedestrian sud stadium rock, and although the music was good, the singer must never be allowed to cover Sabbath's War Pigs ever again.

Gun - S1
Even with Toby Jepson singing I only found time to see two songs by Gun, though they seemed to be warmly appreciated by the S1 crowd.

Korpiklaani - S2
Nice hats lads, and a sizeable turn out for the Finnish folk metallers, I've seen the band live before and again I thought they were quite decent without being anything world shaking.

To be expanded....Terrorvision, Monster Magnet,

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Gig Review : Hard Rock Hell III - Thursday (Pontins, Prestatyn)

Pretty good, singer Marty seemed a little nervous at having to open the event in front of a half full and mostly sober crowd, plus the sound mix wasn't so good and the vocals a bit low, but, RN have some really good songs, Never Wrong is a belter and the strongest of the songs they play tonight. A good showing, and it's never easy going on first.

RIOT:NOISE MySpace, you can stream their song 'Never Wrong' here. The band have an EP out called Fight The People, it's well worth buying.

New Device - S1
Singer Daniel Leigh just exudes confidence in a casual but charismatic manner that stops just this side of being brash, and the band as a whole are a tight and professional unit with some good songs. On record, ND sound lighter and more stadium anthemic than they do here in the pub but they put on a good show to a growing and appreciative crowd. It would be good to see ND up on Stage 2 next year to do proper justice to their well crafted songs.

You can listen to their debut album for free at the New Device scrobbler page.

Attica Rage - S2
The Scots metal foursome performed on the pub stage last year, and this year's promotion to S2 really suits them. Their solid and direct, riff heavy style of metal gains them warm applause and the first real head banging of the weekend. Treading a line somewhere in the region of Black Label Society / Motorhead / Pantera they chug and bludgeon their way through a strong selection from their debut album. Attica Rising with its chant along chorus and massive fast riffs bring outbreaks of air punching and horn throwing and they leave a happy and thrilled crowd when they depart.

You can get some free tracks and stream others at the Attica scrobbler page.

Marshall Law
I really like ML's choppy and clean Metallica-ish style and singer Andy Pyke looks to be having the time of his life, climbing speaker stacks and exhorting the crowd into singing along and having a good time. ML give great value for money tonight, powering their way through big power metal numbers like 'Razorhead' and 'Night Terror' and finishing on the titanic 'Leviathan.' If you like old school power/thrash metal with clean vocals, ML are going to be just your sort of thing.

You can stream loads of their songs on the Marshal Law scrobbler page

Ahem, I've been quite looking forward to seeing Beholder since buying an album of theirs from eMusic, only, this isn't the same band. I thought I was seeing an Italian power metal outfit with a female singer, but this is a brutal thunderous blast of noise and there is nothing remotely feminine about hulking singer Simon Hall. Research failure on my part there, but Beholder make a hellaciously good metal storm, I'll have to buy the correct album now.

You can stream some of their songs on the Beholder UK MySpace page.

I didn't stay for GMT, I did buy their album and it was dire, so just 5 bands on the opening night, but a decent taster for the two much longer days to come.