Local Man Devoured By Man Eating Bog
Although I loved walking with the mini-hikers on Monday, I fancied doing a few miles at a better pace yesterday so I set off from home, up to the Cow and Calf rocks, up the Dales Way to the trig point, then across to Keighley Gate and back home.
All was going swimmingly, until I accidentally went, well, swimming. I rather misjudged the depth of a bog which straddled the path and as my right leg sank into it I tipped forwards and plunged into the cold, wet, sloppy mud pool. Approximate depth of bogs atop Ilkley Moor = 4 feet, I was soaked in foul smelling peat ooze up to my chest which also instantly tripled the weight of my boots, trousers and shirt.
Sod's Law Of Hiking states that if you either injure yourself or plunge into an evil smelling mud pool, this will happen at the furthest point of your hike, giving you the maximum time possible to hobble back home.
I walked back home, through the centre of Ilkley a mud soaked troglodyte with small children pointing and laughing at me. Back home, I had to get chef Phil to bring me buckets of soapy water and had a sponge bath outside before I even dared to step foot inside.
I think that's me banned from hiking before we go on holiday.