Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Bear Grylls Eats Eyeballs

Did anyone see this weeks episode of the mad survivor bloke's programme ? Munching Yak eyeballs and fresh steaming liver ripped warm from the carcass, mmmm, tasty. Anyway, much of the programme was conducted in the language of the Tuigan people, so in case you didn't understand any of it, I've found a translator for you....

Bear Grylls - "Well here I am in a traditional Tuigan Yurt, this is where the family gather in the winter around Yak dung fire."

Small child - "Dad, why are we sitting in the garden shed ? It's freezing out here"

Tuigan Elder - "Because this mad Westerner is willing to pay us five hundred dollars to show him the traditional Tuigan way of life, now keep quiet."

B G - "The old grandmother there is boiling up a large pan of blood sausage made from the blood and intestines of the Yak we just killed, these people live hundreds of miles from the nearest town and they have to make best use of everything they have."

Tuigan woman - "Who is he calling old ? I'm only 52, cheeky bugger."

Small child - "We don't have to eat that crap do we Dad, I hate Yak, you said we could go out for a McDonalds tonight, I want a happy meal."

B G - "Although I don't understand the language these people are probably astonished that I am surviving out here as well as they can."

Tuigan Elder - "I'm astonished that anyone would pay five hundred dollars to sleep in my garden shed and eat boiled Yak intestine, we can afford a holiday to Ibiza on this."

B G - "Next week I will be attempting to survive in the harsh climate of Greenland."

Tuigan Elder - "I'll give Cousin Nukka a call on my new i-Phone, he could use the money."


  1. B.G. - "Now where's that 5 star hotel, you did book it under Edward didn't you?"

  2. Now I've read up on him, I gather that this wasn't satire at all, this is actually how Mr Gryll's 'survives'.