Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Beep Beep Bl***y Beep

If you happen to see an angry beardy bloke in Ilkley thrashing his car in the manner of hapless hotel owner Basil Fawlty in Fawlty Towers, that will be me, because the beeping drives me mad.

I have a small car, it is blue, I think it is a Peugeot although I am frankly hopeless and most un-blokeish when it comes to cars, I would have to go and have a look at it to know either its exact model or the registration number.

It does beep though, and quite why the car's makers thought this was a good selling point I have no idea. It beeps when the engine is turned off and the keys are in the ignition, fair enough I suppose, it might stop you leaving your keys in the car and wandering off.

But then it beeps when the the keys are in, engine off and any of the doors open, I know the doors are opening you stupid object, that's because my passengers are getting in, and because I am somewhat older than a boy racer, I do not need to sit revving the engine whilst they climb aboard.

It beeps if I turn the engine off and leave the car in gear, why ? It's an automatic and won't start in gear so what is the bloody point ? It does not beep though if you park up, out of gear, and forget to use the handbrake, a beep in that situation might have been useful.

Each of these beeps is a slightly different, irritating electronic tone, the one for 'you have left the boot open' is different from the one for 'the lights are still on you muppet' and different again from the one for 'the left rear passenger door is ajar.' They are all equally annoying though.

An extra annoyance, in cold weather, is the automatic switching of the lcd clock display to a temperature display whenever the temperature drops below 3 degrees, accompanied by a flashing display. You see, I know when it is cold, I can feel it, I might even go so far as to say it is mildly dangerous to have a constantly flickering display at the corner of your vision endlessly telling you 'Ice warning - low temperature'.

Constable Barton - "And why would you say the accident happened Mr Soul ?"

YS - "It was the beeping and flashing, it drove me mad, I was trying to drive on possibly icy roads and simultaneously smash my temperature display with a screwdriver when I lost control and demolished Mrs Lette's favourite Begonias."

Constable Barton - "You also ran over our MP. 3 times."

YS - "Treble brandies all round then !"


  1. That's more like it YS. Revolution - na, fed to loins - na, run over by vehicle of unknown manufacture three time, oh yes!

  2. Squirt8:07 am

    poor love... the things that irritate when you work too many hours!