Modern Wimbledon Brings End To Summer Tennis Misery
Wimbledon Tennis Club yesterday unveiled the technological marvel that is the new retracting roof over centre court, which promises to end the misery endured by thousands of tennis fans in wet British summers.
"It is wonderful," said Polly Booker from Esher. "For years we have had to suffer through rain days, getting wet and seeing no tennis, that wouldn't be so bad actually, it's Cliff bloody Richard that I can't stand."
"Here here," agreed a florid faced pinstripe stumbling from the RBS corporate tent (motto - Still Taking The Same Care Of Your Money As We Always Did). "Cliff Richard really spoils a good day here at Wimbledon, puts you right off your strawberries and Moet."
A Wimbledon spokesman said that the club were very glad that there was now no chance that Cliff Richard would be inflicted on tennis fans, although he did say that research into solving the other major annoyance in tennis, that of female players grunting like rutting stags, was still in its early stages.