1.WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Prince Michael of Kent, Prince Andrew
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I don't know, sometimes a film catches me out, or more likely it might have been when I was having a maudlin moment thinking of my Mum.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, it's poor and scribbly and looks like a child's, my Father has good handwriting but mine has always been rubbish, it's an odd mix of joined and printed as well.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? What a strange question, before this I had never really considered that there were types of dead animal that you might only devour around midday. Let's pretend it is Sunday lunch so I can say bloody rare beef.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I don't know, I'm not that naturally egregious, and we'd both be booky and geeky so it's a 50/50 thing. I would imagine that one of two things would have happened, either we'd met and taken an instant dislike to each other, or we'd met and become lifelong very close friends.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Yes, probably too much, especially with the staff.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No, I had them removed when I was little, I actually had asthma but my doctor diagnosed tonsillitis, he was a genius that man.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, and that goes for jumping our of perfectly good aeroplanes as well, it is not ever going to happen.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? I'm a Kellog's Crunchy Nut
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not always. Who thinks of these questions ?
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? Probably really good quality vanilla with lots of little black vanilla seeds.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? How honest do I have to be here ? Should I be all 'new man' and pretend that I don't notice a girl's boobs or arse ? Well I'm not and I do, then eyes and hair. Or if they're in fancy dress or a wheelchair, then you tand to notice that first. Or of they're an American customs agent with a large handgun, then I develop a nervous twitch and can't stop looking at the pistol.
15. RED OR PINK? White, just in case this is a hidden footy/cricket question, or black otherwise. If it's a wine question then red, deep dark teeth staining red.
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Oh dear, I'm hardly Brad Pitt, I don't like my feet, but it isn't as if I spend much time worrying about them.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Mum
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? I don't really care if you do, I'm already beginning to get a bit bored myself.
19. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black shoes, and now people are staring because I'm trying to pull my pants up over the waistband of my trousers, red with a white trim. I assume this is an American meme, in which case you got the words for trousers and underwear confused, I am wearing black pinstripe chef's trousers.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival, it is my current favourite song.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Flesh
23. FAVOURITE SMELL? Melting chocolate, port, the small of a curry shop on a cold night.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My catering butchers, Doric Game.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Of course
26. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Cricket mostly, and a bit of footy but they're soft as shite these days, and I would like Rugby Union but the million and one rules drive me to distraction
27. HAIR COLOUR? Gradually going gray
28. EYE COLOUR? Brown
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, I wear glasses
30. FAVOURITE FOOD? I think my favourite food ever is probably a rare joint of beef with all the trimmings
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Most Hollywood horror films are dire, happy endings are ok if it makes sense, I don't require it saccharine sweet however. On the whole I prefer thought provoking movies.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, it might be the best movie ever made, it certainly has about a dozen of the best lines ever
33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black, have you noticed the theme yet ? It's black, I wear black
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer to earn, Winter to burn
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Apple pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze
36. FAVOURITE DESSERT? A really rich dark chocolate tart
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? April
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Any of you who actually have jobs/kids and therefore cannot waste their time doing this rubbish
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Is This Wine Corked, The Geographer's Library, 500 Global Ideas
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Darth Sith, that bloke with the head spikes
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? We caught up on Lost, but I have a poor memory and kept interrupting to ask Meg what had happened to such a character and who was related to whom
42. FAVOURITE SOUNDS? Teh Metuhl! All kinds of music, plus, I like being out on the hills when you can hear the wind pulling over the heather and the softened bleating of distant sheep
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? I'm a great fan of the Beatles, I quite like the Stones, The Clash beat them both.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Australia, another great big bloody nation that can't brew beer.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT ? Not really, I can cook quite well but I'm no Michelin chef, I can write a bit, and er, that's about it.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? St. Jimmy's Leeds
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Anyone who can write something interesting, be creative, don't just put dull one word answers.
48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? I was captain of the darts team, she was captain of the dominoes team, it was love over the oche, how wonderfully working class.
49. IS THE CUP HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Half full, I like my life, I'm seldom unhappy (even if I'm moaning).
50. IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN TO DINNER WITH FIVE PEOPLE WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Just five ? John, Candice, Patrick, Cheryl, Meg. I know I'm expected to find five disparate and unusual celebrities for this, but I have taken the question at face value and chosen five people that I love.
Of course it would be even better to have a far larger table where the rest of my family and friends can sit as well. The table of six is incomplete without Andy & Eva, and the kids should be running around making a racket, Morag and Alan should be enjoying post dinner snoozes on the couch, my Dad might have had a couple of wines too many and will be nodding off at the table. Rob, Andy, Chris and Kevin will take the kids next door after dinner to play games in the big room whilst everyone else chats and chats over some good wines and aged brandy.
I would enjoy a big family and friends dinner far more than any five strangers I can think of.