Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Vanilla Radio

"Turn the radio down
Turn the radio down, down
Vanilla Radio

Down with the music go round
Down with the music go round, now
Where's my Elvis?

All that the kids will allow
All that the kids will allow now
Vanilla Radio" - Vanilla Radio, The Wildhearts

A selection of music that my staff complain about when I 'inflict' it upon them....

Extreme metal/hardcore punk - alright, I can understand this, I hardly listen to any black or death metal, but the fast and furious sounds of The Dead Kennedys, Arch Enemy, Slayer and The Exploited are not for everyone.

Long songs - it would appear that teenage ears have become so brainwashed by three minute radio friendly edits that anything over that length gets them bored and twitchy, so that's goodbye to the vast majority of rock music and obviously every prog song ever written, no Grendel, no Freebird, no Stargazer, no Brighton Rock.

Classical music - the most common comment whenever I play classical music in the kitchen is "this sounds like we're in church", this blanket complaint is used to cover every composer from Handle to Wagner and I am baffled by it, when have any of my staff ever been to church ?

Solo's - kids just are not interested in great musicians, whether that's Mike Portney or Neil Peart doing something astonishing on the drum kit, or Brian May/Jimmy Page doing things to guitars that no mere human should be able to do, the kids don't care, and of course a solo is bound to take the song over the three minute limit.

Blues - blues gives them the blues, everyone from John Lee Hooker to Seasick Steve are roundly reviled.

Songs by an artist they might like, but which were not a hit - I tend to listen to albums, so sometimes one of the kids will bring some music in, I'll be interested and then I track down an album by that artist and play it,then it turns out that they only really like the hit single (3 minute radio friendly edit of course).

Songs in another language - well, that's all opera gone, plus all my French reggae like Tiken Jah Fakoly and Alpha Blondy, Johnny Depp's girlfriend Vanessa Paradis gets the boot, and we can remove Rammstein from the listening list.

Songs that they get politically correct about for all the wrong reasons - Woman Is The Nigger Of The World by John Lennon raises ill educated hackles, and Spasticus Autisticus by Ian Dury & The Blockheads gets the musically unaware all upset.

So what does that leave us with......identibeat pop songs and anyone who has been on the last two series of X-Factor ? Bugger that, I'm the boss, we're listening to Motorhead today :-)

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