UK Paralyzed By An Inch Of Snow
Up to half an inch of snow fell across parts of the UK this morning, causing traffic chaos and closing thousands of schools. In places drifts of many centimetres in height are being reported.
"It's nearly as high as the pointless rubber bits on my Nike trainers," said Nikolla Chavsworthy when being interviewed by Yorskhiresoul.
The situation in the UK was made worse when it was revealed that the UK's only snowplough was in fact off the road. The snowplough driver, Fred Groitsworthy, said....
"Me and the missus fancied a bit of winter sun, so we took one of those all in package deals to Ibiza, whoops, it looks like fun at home, anyone for another pint of sangria ?"
When asked about the pathetic state of the nation's winter resources Nu-Labour spokesberk Andy Votebuyer said "To be honest, we're a completely useless set of twats, we probably couldn't get pissed in a brewery."
In Canada and Norway the sound of derisive laughter can be heard echoing from the hills.