Dear Leader 'Not Dead'
Reports are coming in from North Korea stating that 'Dear Leader' Kim Sung Il is not dead.
Jackbooted North Korean diplomats said yesterday that Kim had attended a university football match and denied that the dictator's pale pallor and whiff of decay were due to the fact that he was in fact dead.
"Dear Leader is very much alive," said a faceless man yesterday. "Dear Leader has a bad back and that is why he didn't move around at yesterday's football game, it has rained a lot in North Korea and that is why Dear Leader looks so pale - he has had to remain indoors a lot."
The diplomats refused to answer allegations from the free press corp that Kim Sung Il had died over a month ago and flatly refuted the possibility that a large consignment of Paxo Sage & Onion sent recently to the dictators housed had been rammed up Dear Leaders backside.