GCSE Results At All Time High
Treble brandies all round. Schools Minister Ed Balls was pleased to announce today that the A Grade pass rate for this year's GCSE exams was 107 %.
"It's a great success for Gordon and his policy of education, education, complete cock up," said Mr Balls. "Our pass rate is so high year this year that we've been giving A grades to people that didn't even sit the exams."
Elsewhere, newspaper editors the length of the country were taking the opportunity to print pictures of attractive young ladies jumping in the air. Paul Oggler, editor of the Daily Telemail said "If you're a fat ugly bird, no-one gives a fuck if you got 10 A stars."