It's Not Just Us That Have A Crap Olympic Logo



I hope the Chinese didn't spend too much money on that effort.

I Always Hated School Sports Day

Result Of Last Night's Drunken Bet In The Pub ?

I could beat you if I ran the race on my hands........

Dinner Mr. Putin ?



(Nicked from Fishki.net, which if you go surfing for it is NSFW in all kinds of ways, plus it's in Russian)

This Is England - trailer

Film Review : This Is England*****



As British forces fight across The Falklands in 1983 young Shaun (Thomas Turgoose) is trying to deal with the death of his father in the war, he's also having a hard time at school and doesn't seem to quite fit in with anyone. A chance encounter with a group of skinheads led by the likeable and charismatic Woody (Joe Gilgun) brings him a group of close friends that look out for him and treat him as an equal.

Woody seems to be the gang's leader until the older Combo (Stephen Graham) makes his appearence after being released from prison, he comes back with a thuggish looking friend, a giant chip on his shoulder and his mind filled with racial hatred. He outlines his plans for the previously friendly and harmless skins to become a fighting unit for the National Front, Woody refuses and the gang are torn in two as all the members are forced to choose sides.

This Is England is based on director Shane Meadow's (Northern Soul / Once Upon A Time In The Midlands / Dead Man's Shoes) experiences growing up in the 80's. The film is gritty and realistic and strikes a chord of familiarity amongst those of us who were a similar age. When Shaun gets bullied at school for having trousers deemed by his peers to be too wide to be currently fashionable I thought, yes, been there, if you didn't have drainpipes you were a social pariah.

There are some great performances in the film, young Thomas Turgoose in his first acting role is wonderful, very natural and believable. Joe Gilgun (whom you may have seen in Emmerdale and Coronation Street) comes across very well as the charming, inclusive and warm gang leader Woody and Stephen Graham (Snatch / Gangs Of New York) frightens as the unstable and violent ex-con.

The film looks at the question of just what you will do for your friends, how far you are prepared to go for other people. Combo disrupts the gang with his strong racial beliefs, but he also has a certain charisma and a way with words that seduces some of the gang members, young Shaun included. Shaun is perhaps too young to understand the ramifications of what he is allowing himself to be drawn into, for the first time in his life he has friends who are there for him, looking out for him, swearing allegiance to him and he is pulled in to Combo's dangerous world. Woody (and his girlfriend Lol played by Vicky McClure) on the other hand has a strong moral sense and rejects the divisive politics of Combo.

I thought This Is England was a terrific film, I grew up at the same time as the director and the characters portrayed so everything seems familiar. The film also looks at the skinhead movement in a light not often seen in films, back when the skins were ska fans and very aware that their music and fashion came from the streets of Jamaica, before the skins became synonymous with racial hatred and violence. For me, my first contact with skins was the ranks of thugs selling pamphlets and forcing leaflets on you on the way to Elland Road, but I too was a fan of Desmond Dekker, Toots & The Maytals and The Specials. It's strange how a racially inclusive group became its polar opposite.

TIE is out now on DVD, it's got the usual extra disc packed with stuff (I admit that I barely ever watch any of the stuff on these discs), but it is well worth renting or buying, a great film with a warm and wonderful first starring role from Thomas Turgoose.

A Motto For The UK ?

From the BBC site

I quite like "Musn't grumble" although # 999 made me laugh.

(Cheers Gael)

A Bit More PBF

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1, We Have A Social Life

I'm just counting down the days to the end of the season proper. We are good and busy every day this week until Sunday, and then the real golfing season ends. We still have a few biggish bookings to come, one or two club vs. club matches with dinners, and the end of season presentation dinners for the various club sections ( Men, Women & Juniors) to come, but it is really mostly over bar the shouting.

I won't bore you much further with what a crap summer I've had, but now the end is in sight I am rather looking forward to seeing my friends and family again, especially at our party the week after next.

Hopefully for the next few months I will not be replying to offers of birthday parties / dinners at nice restaurants / trips to the cinema - rugby - footy / nights down the pub with "I would, but there's 60 hungry golfers I've got to feed."

I feel almost like a year went by this year and I didn't participate in it, my 40th birthday came and went, and I've hardly been able to see and play with my best little mates J & E, S* & N, J & K. I will make some time this winter to see the boys play rugby, generally mess around and be a prize fool with all the kids and if any friends small or large fancy coming up a Yorkshire hill or two in the driving rain and fog, get yer boots on, the Dales are calling.


* I havn't forgotten Big Hairy McTavish the Chief Scottish Haggish, I'll get to work on him soon, get your crayons at the ready.

Luvvie

I met a luvvie earlier this year, I don't usually socialise with actors but the captain of IGC has a son who is just an actor so we met at Captain's Day whilst I was manning the barbeque.

Sam Riley is the star of Control, a film about the life of Ian curtis of Joy Division, and has also been cast in the forthcoming Brit sci-fi flick Franklyn alongside John Hurt and Eva Green (His Dark Materials / Casino Royale). Sam bears more than a passing resemblance to the late Curtis and used to sing with Leeds band 10,000 Things. I think it is him singing in the film, but due to contractual problems, it won't be Sam singing on the official soundtrack release.





He seems like a nice lad, and it sounds like just my kind of movie, gritty, realistic, depressing, yup, I'll be buying a ticket.

Oh Captain My Captain

A quick greeting to the current Captain of Ilkley Golf Club, and any other members that may have recently found out that their steward keeps a blog, hello folks, don't panic, I don't use the blog to slag off the members, I'm saving all that up for my book.

;-)

I have done a bit of tidying up and removed a number of blogs from the links list that seemed to have died, if I have removed a live blog in error just get in touch, and if you're a regular here and I havn't got your blog on the list please do tell me.

A Book A Week in 2007

Done, the 52nd book was Jasper Fforde's clever and funny Lost In A Good Book. Due to never ending work commitments my exercise journey across the UK came to a sudden end earlier in the year, but I've kept up with my reading at least, so my mind should be good and limber even if the body is a little weak.

Blogger Play

Blogger Play

This is interesting, if you click on the link it takes you to a site which shows photographs being uploaded to Blogger blogs in real time, and if you click on a photo it takes you to the relevant blog post.

Photos are not pre-screened though, so there is a chance of seeing something you rather wouldn't. I've had it on for an hour or so though and havn't seen anything out of order.

The Perry Bible Fellowship






Perry Bible Fellowship

War Of The Worlds

If you are a bit of an old prog fan like myself, you probably have a copy of Jeff Wayne's War Of The Worlds tucked away in your vinyl collection.

There is, or perhaps was, a cgi version of the album in production, here is some test footage of a martian walker.

There is also a live tour of the show this December, but, £39.50 a ticket PLUS a £4.50 booking fee for each ticket, wow, perhaps I'll just get the DVD.

More Cyanide & Happiness

God says to Joe he must quit fags booze and sex if he wants to go to heaven.

Joe says "mmm could be tricky but I'll give it a go"

A week later God says to him "hows it going Joe?"

Joe says "Not bad thanks ... the fags and drink are easy to give up, BUT I have a problem with sex"

God says "what's that then ?"

Joe says "Well, the other day my wife bent over to get some meat out the freezer and I'm sorry but I had to give her one there and then ... it was most enjoyable ... I just could not resist ... sorry"


God said "well I am very disappointed ... they don't like that sort of thing in heaven"

Joe replied "I know ....they don't like it much in Tesco's either"

Fueur Frei !

Hello, Yorkshiresoul here, one man disaster area. This afternoon I have managed to set my kitchen, and very nearly my staff, on fire.

I was just doing a bit of cleaning when a wasp buzzed in front of my face and landed on the shelf that I was just just wiped, I had a roll of paper towels in my hand and with them I battered the wasp, not very hard it turns out. The thickly padded paper towels did no harm at all to the winged invader, it jumped up and buzzed towards me.

I let out a bit of a girly shriek and took a mighty roundhouse swing at the wasp, at the end of the swing I unfortunately let go of the towels, they soared across the kitchen, over poor Carol's head unravelling as they went and landed squarely in the hot oil filled egg pan on the stove top.

Whoomph, the roll of towels splashed hot oil across the hot stove top and the whole bundle went up in a sheet of red flames. Carol screamed, luckily though I had managed to avoid dousing her in boiling oil, and the oven top burned merrily away. As she turned to me and demanded to know what the hell I was doing I collapsed into hysterical laughter. As the fire burned up and Carol stood in front of it shouting "Oh my God, oh my God," I laughed and laughed.

Eventually I managed to gather myself, put the fire out and explain to a baffled sous-chef just what I had done (I think she thought I was trying to murder her), there's hardly a dull moment around here, or a sane one.

And the wasp ? Unles he died in the towel / oil / chef conflagration I must presume he made a swift escape.

'Look Like' Meme

Eleanor had posted this meme over at her place, the idea is to type in '(your name here) looks like' into Google, and then write up the first ten entries you get. Eleanor's list was all fairly frivolous sounding fun, with a couple of nice comments.

Mine on the other hand, well......

Michael looks like..............a drag queen in one of Paul's porn videos.

Right, that's the end of that meme then.

Panic At Northern Rock



There has been panic this week at the Northern Rock Bank as many Yorksire investors heard the shocking news that despite its name, the bank was in fact being run by Southerners.

"There's blokes ont board wi names like Fortescue and Bagshaw-Smythe," said one investor, 75 year old Terry Tyke. "I've been wurkin 60 years downt pit an am not trustin me savins tat likes o them."

Mr Tyke went on to join a four hour queue to withdraw his £11.76 life savings.

When another queuer was asked what she thought of the situation, 87 year old Gladys Molestrangler said, "Eeeeh, it's just like that trip to Romania we went on with the NUM holiday club, all lines o folk waiting for loaves it was."

Just For A Moment, I Was Ritchie Blackmore

It was early in the kitchen, I had opened the doors to the club, propped the kitchen door open to allow a breeze in, and then rammed up the volume on the i-pod base.

On comes Stargazer, Cozy Powell hammers out that drum intro, and then Blackmore and Carey start the atmospheric then riffing guitar and keyboard section, Ronnie James Dio begins his usual sword and sorcery influenced and mostly incomprehensible lyrics and with no-one around I launch into the guitar solo.

For just a moment I was Ritchie Blackmore, the sell out crowd were watching awestruck as I moved the plectrum over the strings, my face contorted with concentration as my fingers ripple up and down a fretboard that only I can see, the notes soar out, perfect in their clarity and I walk back across the stage, right hand raised in a salute to my legions of fans.

And a voice says in broadest Yorkshire...."When you've finished love, can we have four cups of coffee and a toasted t-cake."

With my cheeks burning a goodly shade of red I serve the early customers.

"We did't like to stop you," she says. "You looked to be enjoying yourself, but we're due on the tee at 8 o'clock."

"No worries," say I. "Call back later and I'll do Stairway to Heaven for you."

Another Season Ends

Cricket that is, this is the Ilkley CC end of season bash. See if can can guess the theme and the characters before the last photo ?

Total Kitchen

In an effort to finally resolve this summer's seemingly endless staff problems, I'm taking a leaf out of Jack Reynolds book, we're going for Total Kitchen.

Everyone who comes on board now has to learn to cook, we are not going to have in future two chefs doing all the skilled work and then a skills gap to the waiting staff.

By the end of the year I'm hoping to have all the waiting staff able to do some simple but supportive tasks for the chefs, like baking fresh bread, filleting fish, prepping and correctly cooking veg and potatoes, making dumplings and Yorkshire Puddings, making a roux - bechemel - simple sauces, soups and casseroles, braised lamb and beef etc.

Then next year when we get busy again they will be able to work any shift and assist all round in the kitchen.

The older girls and boys will get some further training, there is no reason at all why a bright and hard working 17/18 year old shouldn't be able to plan, cook and serve a 3 course meal for say, 30 people.

Here we go then, it's going to be Ajax-Ilkley, it means yet more hours for me in the short term but I'm rather hoping it will pay off down the line.

I'll Sell My Soul For Rock 'n Roll

Or yours, or your children's, or I'll sell my waiting staff into slavery, I'll sell my Grandma, your Grandma and the Grandma's of people that I have passed in the street, the reason ?

Led Zeppelin are reforming.

It's on the 26th of November this year.

no

no

no

no

Noooooooooooooooooooo.

I'm going to be on holiday.

In the USA.

Do you think Mrs YS will kill / divorce / do unpleasant things to me with a variety of kitchen utensils if I cancel the holiday ?

The Elephant

In 1986, Mike Melbe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mike approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mike worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mike stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mike never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mike was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mike and his son Tim were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mike, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mike couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mike summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mike's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant.

(From Konjammenson)

Dark Side Of The Sole

It's Apocalypse Now with Chefs

"The Tilapia, the Tilapia."

(Link found by The Green Man)

Days

Days Roll on forever as a seamless canvas
Paving the void with substance and form
Bright glimmers of light play on the canvas
then rise quickly to go out.
A few remain to illuminate the void
A diverted eye as one strays too close
Flaring, it scorches and tears the fabric
beautifying itself forever.
The marring and memory soon pass but
remain yet to be celebrated and worshipped.

A Constellation is building long and tall
my picture fades becoming distant
The stars are beautiful this night
Vibrating slowly to many tunes they call to
the canvas lost far below them.
Children take its place, a house, love, dreams
A Pitiful means to justify their end
they come from nowhere to go nowhere.
A Winter gale shut up in a paper bag.
Days roll on forever

Staveley.org, you havn't updated in a while mate ;-)

If Your Scrobbler Won't Scrobble

i-Tunes released a new build last week that seems to have stopped last.fm's i-sproggler from working, if you are trying to scrobble your i-pod and it won't handshake with i-tunes any more, try Yamipod on the link below.

Yamipod doesn't load onto your i-pod so there will be no problems with your current pod operating system, and so far it seems to be working fine for me, automatically scrobbling my pod when it is plugged in.

I've lost about a week's worth of 'songs played' info for the tracks played prior to loading Yami, and I'm slightly annoyed that nobody at (subscription based) Last.fm has even bothered to reply to the forum support threads, but now that it's been snapped up by the hyper globals I suppose the level of service will go the same way that blogger.com's did, mostly downhill.

Yamipod i-pod manager

Book Review : Nymphomation - Jeff Noon*****



Another great novel from the twisted mind of Jeff Noon. Daisy Love, Jazir Malik and the gang are trying to crack the weekend domino game, the lottery to which Noon's skewed future Manchester has become addicted. Will they crack the system and become big winners ? With the sponsored Burgercops hot on their trail and dark and sexy revelations following one after another, they're not having an easy time going head to head with The Company.

Noon's novels are part sci-fi in a drug induced cyberpunk sort of way, but they are also laced with social commentary and overtones of Orwell. Noon's actual prose style is a joy, and combined with his lucid and vivid imagination it makes the events, sounds, sights and smells of rain sodden, curry cooking, blurb fly infested Manchester come truly alive.

This is another cracking read, just as good as his earlier novels Vurt and Pollen, intruiging and thought provoking as well as being wildly entertaining.

Book Review : Down The Bright Way - Robert Reed***



I have just read two novels by Reed in succesion, of the two, Sister Alice is better than Down The Bright Way. That's not to say that this is a bad novel, it's just that most of Reed's other work is better than this.

Bright Way charts the progression of The Wanderers as they move from world to world along the star path of the title, at each halt on their journey they make contact, then gently prod and cajole that world's society into one capable of peace and uniting with the other worlds along the path.

A Wanderer from the opposite path has changed his philosophy after events witnessed on his own journey, and now seeks to do the unthinkable, to destroy the Bright Way and halt the Wanderers. This is a well trodden sci-fi path and although Reed tells a fair tale, it isn't up to the standard of Sister Alice or the brilliant Marrow and it's sequel The Well Of Stars.

Book Review : Relentless - Simon Kernick****



Fairly decent UK based thriller. I liked the set up, a normal family man recieves a phone call from a friend who is clearly terrified and in severe pain and who blurts out the man's address, what to do then ? Stay or run ?

The protagonist runs, and runs, and runs, the pace of the book is as the title suggests and although the ending wasn't quite what I expected, it was still a good read.

Book Review : Helix - Eric Brown****



This space opera gets off to a really good start, some nicely rounded characters from a dying earth are sent off on a sleeper colony ship to found humanity anew somewhere amongst the distant stars. The colony ship crashes on the world system named in the title, the helix, containing thousands of worlds threaded in a spiral around a single sun.

Once on the Helix, the crew struggle across the icy wastes of the first world before discovering a transport system to allow passage between worlds of the Helix, and after moving on become embroiled in an ideological and physical battle between the fanatic church of an alien race and its more open minded 'heretics'.

I quite enjoyed Helix, but it didn't shine for me in way that some sci-fi does. There are plenty of good ideas here, but I felt that some of them were slightly rushed or breezed past without enough space being given to expand them. The adventure is a good one, but the idea of vastly superior alien makers / creators has been used so many times in sci-fi that it takes a something really exceptional to give it that sense of awe and brilliance.

Why Do I Employ You ?

Is it because, in the words of the SilverGinger song, "I like girls 'cos girls are better than boys" ? Well, there is a pinch of truth in this.

My staff are aged between 14, with parent's permission, and at the other end of the scale my most senior staff member is just over retirement age. There is no age, sex or colour bar to working for me. There is however, a personality bar.

All summer I work really long hours, I'm often in the kitchen cooking breakfasts, and I don't finish work until the last evening diner has left the building and I can lock up. As I'm spending such long hours at work, it is important to me that my staff are pleasent people, people that I can get along well with, hat I can talk to and enjoy the company of.

As a sweeping generalisation, teenage girls seem to be more socially adapt than teenage boys. The first contact for getting a job with me is usually on the phone, if someone calls me for a job, or if I'm calling someone back after they have left a message for me and they answer in monosyllabic neanderthal grunts, well, they're not getting the job.

If they made it past the phone call they have to attend an interview with me. This is a semi formal chat that allows me to find out a bit about the person I am interviewing. If the interviewee is old enough to have worked before I would like to know where they have worked, and importantly, why they have left.*

Many of the younger kids that come to me have not held a job before, so what I want from this sort of interview is a chat, I ask about school and what subjects they are good at, we talk about food and what they enjoy, what they like to do in their free time, hobbies, pastimes, I ask what was the last book they read and the last movie they saw and can they tell me a bit about it. After twenty minutes or so I can usually tell who I'm going to like and who I'm not.

Even at an interview for a fairly simple job like waiting on, you should present yourself well. I had one lad who turned up in trainers and tracksuit and who wore his Nike cap throughout the interview, already at age fifteen his fingers were yellow stained with nicotine and from my position at the other side of the table I could detect that he had only the most casual relationship with soap and water. No job for him then.

I do of course make allowlance for nerves, some kids are obviously petrified at attending an interview, others coast nervelessly through it. Overall though, and back to the sweeping generalisation, if you take teenage boys and girls as two groups, the girls tend to perform better at interviews.

This simple process usually ensures that I have a staff of nice people that can all get along together and get along with me. It isn't infallible of course, and every so often I have employed a bad apple, but my current team are all good people, nice to be with, hard working and good company, and in an endless series of 16 hour shifts, good company is vital.

We have held a couple of staff meetings in the last few days to discuss issues raised on here ny psuedonym JJ. I'm pretty sure that I don't frighten my staff all that much, in most cases I know the parents of my staff and if there were a problem at any point it could be sorted out. They were all fairly upset at the accusations that had been made, and the author of the comments was generally regarded to be 'sad' and a 'loser' amongst other comments.

I did also point out to the staff though that I'm not changing the nature of the kitchen, I'm daft as brush at times and will say things that are daft / shocking / close to the bone in order to get a laugh, provoke a reaction or move a conversation along. I am not Mr Politically Correct, and never will be. Nobody is forced to work for me, and if they don't like me or the job they are free to leave and I certainly woulnd't think less of the for doing so.

So hopefully nobody had been harmed by this week's unpleasentless apart from the author of the comments, you've made yourself look rude, ill mannered and foolish. You're lucky that I'm not a great believer in litigation, there are many employers that might have launched legal action after the sort of comments that were posted.
If you are an ex-staff member, and you're currently looking for another position, do you think that I don't talk to other chefs and restaurant managers, and have you considered that a few people in catering read the blog just because I post stuff about work and people like to read about their own industry ? I'm sure you didn't.

Anyway, we're all carrying on just as normal here, the staff are fine and great people, the chef is overworked and still forces his staff to listen to heavy metal all day, and now I have got to go and cook, Georgie and me are going to make oat and sunflower loaves for the Ladies Open tomorrow, see you all later.




*I had a bloke came for the full time chef's position a few years back, on the application form I had asked for a list of previous positions in the last five years, this applicant asked for a couple of extra sheets of paper. When he had filled in his application he had listed 21 jobs held in the last 5 years. My decision was instant, there was no way I was about to become employer number 22.

James The Psuedonym

89.242.230.1

89.242.199.173

These are your IP addresses, your home pc and Dad's laptop ?

You really are not all that bright, in future before placing lies in a written format in the public domain you ought to understand what libel is, and that nothing your computer sends is hidden or anonymous.

Thanks to the numerous regulars who rounded on our most recent little pest and gave him / her a verbal hiding.

Pallbearers Wanted



Only Geoff Capes types need apply.

Portly German Tops Chart

Top of my Scrobbler weekly chart this week is the German composer George Friedrich Handel, and I must say that he pretty much kicks arse, in a very beautiful way.

I like to continue to expand my musical borders, I have listened to quite a lot of Mozart, Wagner, Chopin and Stravinsky over the past few months and when I saw a copy of Handel's Messiah going cheap I thought I would plunge in.

Handel isn't easy classical, by that I mean you can get right in to Wagner's big lietmotif themes, or Tchaikovsky's brilliant and easy to remember tunes. Handel though is more like Stravinsky, he's at least a Grade II composer, more complex, more subtle, requiring more attention and perseverance. Messiah in particular is made up of numerous small pieces of music and song which don't run together in a coherent style, although feel free to tell me I'm wrong about this if you're a Handel uber fan.

With the benefit of modern equipment, particularly a decent sized amplification system which raises the voices of sweet little choristers far beyond anything they could expect to reach in real life, you can really get into him. The good citizens of Ilkley usually have their ears pummelled by the likes of Motorhead and Metallica as I drive through town, this week though they have been treated to the aria 'O Though That Tellest Good Tidings To Zion' and the chorus 'For Unto Us A Child Is Born'.

Any form of classical music (with the exception of Wagners Ride Of The Valkyries, which all the staff seem to think is from Star Wars) is still the most unpopular stuff I inflict on the staff at work, I receive less complaints about Arch Enemy, The Exploited and Sepultura than I do when when Beethoven, Vivaldi or Berlioz make an appearance on the kitchen i-pod.

My weekly Scrobbler list is as eclectic as always, lower down the chart are Paradise Lost, a Yorkshire doom metal act who have been largely ignored in the UK for the past 20 years but who are very popular indeed on the continent. Only last week I discovered that singer Nick Holmes now lives in lovely Ilkley, I'll have to keep an eye out for him when I'm out and about.

So there we are, fat dead Germans and gloomy Tykes, viva eclecticism.

Back To School



It is the first day back at school today for half of my staff, the first day of 6th form, first day of study for their A levels so obviously last night they were all keen to finish work early in order to....

...get back home and do their Philosophy & Ethics homework which had been handed to them the last time they were in school, in May.

Good going girls, you will understand that I didn't have a whole lot of sympathy for your predicament, after all you've had over three months to get on with it. I know that at least one of the girls hadn't actually read the book she was supposed to be writing a short essay on, I wonder how many kids will be reading studiously on the school bus this morning ?

One of the girls also said she hadn't managed to get her French homework done, I felt obliged to point out that as she had just spent six weeks in the South of France she really didn't have much of an excuse for not getting on with it.

I was always poor at getting homework done though, I did almost no work at all for my O levels and got through with B's & C's. I found college a better place to learn and applied myself to my City & Guilds getting my three qualifications at a Distinction (Top of Year no less for my 706/1), a Credit for my 711/1 (Patisserie, which I had thought I was gong to struggle through) and a Pass for my 706/2.

Oddly, if I had the time these days to go back to school / college and learn something, I would jump at the chance. I started doing an A level in British & American Government & Politics a few years ago, but my summer work schedule is just too busy to allow for hours of research & study. Still, out of all the essays I did complete, my lowest score was a B+.

I've threatened the girls with me sitting one of their A levels just to shame them if they don't crack on with some work, it surely can't be all that hard, Eng Lit perhaps, I'd just have to brush up a little on my Shakespeare, Blake & Coleridge. So there you are young staff, do your homework and study hard, or run the risk of mad ole beardy bloke beating you at AS.

They've still got quite a way to go in some subjects though, as this short conversation shows....

April - "I was walking through Ilkley and I saw my R.E. teacher and I said to him 'Oh God, I havn't done my R.E. homework yet'."

Yorkshiresoul - "I think you're confusing the Creator with the created there."

April - blank stare.

3,001

The post below is post number 3,000.

It would appear that there is no end to the rubbish I'm prepared to inflict on you.

Map Of His Head

Mad as very mad person indeed, Matt Bellamy was wittering on in last month's Q magazine, during the interview he mentions that he has bought the house that once belonged to Vincenzo Bellini on the shores of Lake Como. Apparently Matt likes to try and commune with Bellini's dead spirit by playing his arias in the small hours of the morning.

Later in the interview he admits that he has found it difficult to keep a steady girlfriend.

Now Matt love, it's obvious to the rest of us that.....

a) Being a rock star nutter and playing loud classical music at 4am

and

b) Having your bird leave you for a plumber

may not be entirely unconnected.

Mind you, Matt also believes that the US government are beaming signals directly into our brains from a top secret base. I dread to think what evil the Bush administration might be beaming across the world, 'Drink Starbucks' ? 'Watch Hollyoaks' ?



Matt says - "Wash with new Muse Darkshines soap, it will wash the truth into your eyes and allow you to see the real world as I do, oh, hello nurse, is it time for my tablets ?"