Friday, August 31, 2007

Now We Are 10

Mrs YS and myself that is.

Just ten years ago today I awoke with a staggering Southern Comfort induced hangover to find that Teletubbies had been cancelled because Lady diana was dead and I was getting married in the afternoon.

It's also the umpteenth time that I have forgotten the anniversary of my good friends P & C, this is because I'm a useless old bugger, happy anniversary folks.
Cyanide And Happiness




Thursday, August 30, 2007

If Business Meetings Were Like Website Comments

Clicky clicky

Seen over at Greasy Chip Butty
Fashion Thing



Now, I don't know much about fashion, but I know what I like, and I'd like to celebrate two great advances in young ladies fashion.

First is the current fashion for wearing brightly coloured bras under shirts which are then worn at least two sizes too small and only partially buttoned up. Hurrah for boobs !

Secondly is the current fashion of wearing small knickers with small, low cut trousers, giving rise to the effect known colloquially as a 'whale tail'.

1) Whale Tale




2) Whale Tale



Sadly for some of the blokes that read this, your staff are not entirely composed of semi-dressed nubile young ladies with a penchant for displaying their underwear, ah well, that's what you get for working in IT.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Great Ilkers Power Cut

It is with great sadness that we report the passing of one of the true sporting greats of Ilkley. Bodly Fanshaw-Smythe passed away last week, fittingly, on the 1st tee.

Bodly had been am afficianado of golf ever since he was a small boy in the latter years of the 19th century. He even wore the same pair of plus fours that had been passed down from Barnabus "Hammer of the Jocks" Fanshaw-Smythe, to his son John "Hammer of the Hun" Fanshaw-Smythe, through his son Redvers "Hammer of the small tin tacks" Fanshaw-Smythe and finally on to Bodly "Mad as a trout" F-S. Lately the somewhat fragrant condition of the plus-fours had led Bodly to being barred from the clubhouse, and when the wind was in the West, from being within two miles of anyone with a sense of smell.

Last week, when Bodly struck his normal Wednesday afternoon 1st tee slice into the Wharfe, it connected with the old Willow that had graced the tee since Victoria was a wee girl. A branch already loosened by the actions of the wind, weather, small boys playing truant and perverse squirrels, fell from the tree, struck the power lines and caused a flash of electricity to incinerate both Bodly and his antiquated leggings.

His playing partners, Dermot Morton Pasta Bake and Henry Fafafa Haferlager, offered a small prayer of thanks and continued their round uninterrupted by small boys throwing stones for the first time in a half century.

Bodly would have been cremated next week at the family chapel, but there was so little left that there really isn't any point. Close family and friends are invited to the service, and asked to bring Dettol rather than flowers in case any suggestion of the old man's trousers still linger.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

No Heroes Any More

Oh dear, this is the other side of the heroes of the day post I did earlier in the week, and the moan-winge post that preceded it.

I might sometimes portray myself as a hard nut, mental chef bloke, but truth be told, I'm quite soft at heart. I like my staff, they mean a lot to me, and I forgive them a lot of their teenage foibles and daftness, we were all young once.

But, I'm just working far too hard, and this is partly because I just can't seem to get enough staff to work, especially on certain nights. I don't blame the kids for wanting to go out and have fun, hell, why not, they're young, beautiful, intelligent and nice to be around.

The point has come where the social lives of some of my staff are no longer compatible with my needs as an employer. Last Friday I only got through the night because my best mate came to dish up meals and wash up whilst I waited on, and this is unnacceptable considering the amount of staff I currently have on the books.

When it came to sorting out the rota for the next few weeks I offered one of the girls three Fridays (and some other shifts), and she refused all the weekend shifts and cherry picked the mid-week sessions. After some thought, and with heavy heart, I called her back and told her gently, but firmly and with no room for doubt, that I was releasing her from the staff, sacking her if you will.

Now I know that quite a few of the staff read my blog and you might be shocked to find that I have sacked one of our friendly little crew, but as nice as you all are I simply cannot go on and on and on working every single shift because two or three of the staff only want a shift here or there when it suits them.

This is the service industry, and we have to work when other people are out having fun.

I have no other complaint with the girl who has been sacked, quite the opposite in fact, she is a nice girl, bright, chatty, pleasent to be around, but her social life doesn't fit in with a job as a waitress. If next year she decides that things have changed and she is willing to be a bit more reliable, I would even consider taking her back for the '08 summer season. I don't think I can be fairer than that.

Let's hope that everything settles down a bit now, and that we all pull our weight a bit more.
Tonight We Dine In Hell

Or at Pizza Express, whichever is closer.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Is Ilkley Really Posh Then ?

That's the question that visitors to the golf club often ask me.

"Well," I say. "My next door neighbour takes a taxi to work every morning."

"That's nowt posh," replies the visitor. "I send the wife to Tesco in a taxi every Tuesday."

"Ah yes, but your wife has a driver, my neighbour requires a pilot."
Punk A Porter

There are now more mock punks wearing Misfits shoes than there are people who have ever bought a Misfits album.



Fashion punks, meh.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Death



Done by Adam of Adam's Tattoo's in Yeadon, Leeds.
Heroes Of The Day

That's April, Hollie, Claire, Mrs YS and myself. We did a huge day yesterday, 250+ diners and my staff worked like troopers all day long. Little April, fledgling chefling, even pulled a proper chef's shift, i.e., 12 hours without a break.

Well done girls, you're all wonderful.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Gig Review - Sepultura / The Inbreds / Vallenbrosa / Mishkin - Leeds Rio's 18/08/07****

We arrive just as Leeds band Mishkin are onstage, they sound decent enough, perhaps slightly guilty of trying to ram too many time changes / riffs / styles into each song, but hell, who writes really good riff driven songs anymore ?

To answer that question, Vallenbrosa arrive in a big welter of riffage, with well constructed songs, and, hello old friend, solo's, quite a lot of solo's actually. This is proper heavy metal with big catchy hooks and the sort of songs you can get into right away.

Singer Nik shouts out that Vallenbrosa are "From the dirty, dirty South, but please don't hold that against us". They play some good music, a few heads are being banged and they get the thumbs up all round from P, Chez and myself.

The Inbreds are another set of Southerners, 6 of them this time. As I watched the array of guitarists squeezing themselves onto the none too large Rio stage I was a little worried that this would be a muddy wall of noise, but apparently I've lived long enough for real metal to have come back into fashion again and we get treated to another good set of proper songs and tight riffs.

Frontman Joseph Smith has a bit of attitude and star quality, he's mouthy, sweary and obnoxious, excellent for a metal band then. The band crunch through their set, I can't remember any of the titles except for 'Pocket Full Of Mindfuck Drugs' due to Joe's rambling introduction to it, but again it's a good set.

What a result, 3 support band and all of them pretty good.

Headliners Sepultura, well, there are exactly half of Sepultura here now the Igor has followed brother Max into Soulfly, set the crowd off. A moshpit of dickheads erupts behind me, I can't figure some people out, if you want a fight then piss off onto the streets with all the other drunken tossers, as for the bloke who was deliberately kicking people, well you do understand why I reacted quite angrily to this don't you ? Arsehole.

Right, the Seps then, Derrick Green is a good vocalist, but I can hear him when he's talking, when they get into the songs I can hardly hear a thing, it just sounds a bit mushy. They play quite a lot of stuff from their past few albums, which is fair enough, bands have to progress. There is a shout of "I'm over 25, play some of the good stuff" from the back, I sort of agree, I would have liked to hear some more of the Max era Sepultura, I think it had a more defined sound.

We do get 'Roots Bloody Roots', 'Arise' and 'Troops Of Doom', the band throw in a mid set intro quiz of old numbers, how annoying, just when you think you're going to get a song they swap into something else. Still, it's a pretty good set, well received by the crowd.

The ticket price tonight was £18 plus the ruddy booking fee, but I feel it was a good value night out. A couple of week ago P and myself went to a 4 band death metal night in the downstairs room here and thought we'd been badly done to by having to pay £4 for the privilege.

Mishkin Website

Mishkin MySpace

Vallenbrosa website

Vallenbrosa MySpace

The Inbreds website

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Dear Sepultura,

We are coming to see you tonight and if you could play all of the following songs it would be quite mosh-tastic.....

Refuse / Resist
Territory
We Who Are Not As Others
Chaos B.C.
Sepulnation
Ways Of Faith
Roots Bloody Roots
Straithate
Rattamahatta
Cut Throat

Yours,

Yorkshiresoul, aged forty and a bit

Friday, August 17, 2007

The Definition Of Success

From the Proclaimers song "Let' Get Married"....

When we're old if they ask me
"How do you define succes?"
I'll say,
You meet a woman
You fall in love
You ask her and
She says "Yes"


I love that lyric. I've been married to Mrs YS for very nearly 10 years now, marriage is great. We watched our wedding video last night, Meg doesn't like watching herself, I couldn't remember large parts of the day, it all passed in a happy blur. I was obviously very nervous giving my speech, but best man Wosser was calm and assured during his, good work mate.
Last Night's Dinner





Springbok and Impala burgers from Alternative Meats.

I can't honestly say that I thought that either of the burgers were great, they were meaty, not gamey, but so heavily flavoured with herbs and pepper that we couldn't decide if there was any difference in the flavour of the two antelope beasties.

I might try the company again, but I would go for steaks / joints rather than burgers to try and get a proper taste of the flesh. Anyone for Kudu / Wildebeest / Zebra ?

Yorkshiresoul's dinner guests beware.
There Is No Green, There Is Only Black

As posted by Gregor, it may well be a goth golf spoof, but it is a good goth golf spoof

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

You Wouldn't See It On The Men's Tour



At the side of the 12th green, an emergency nail technician practises his skills after Nancy Belvedere chipped her pinky chipping out of the bunker.
Is This Picture Good For Women's Golf ?



That's the question they were asking in a recent golf magazine, I can't tell what their answer was as after seeing this rather splendid photo of Women's Euro Tour golfer Sophie Sandalo I headed back to my PC to search for more pictures of this golfing babe.



Jackpot, not only does Sophie do her own calendar, but she appears topless and clad in chainmail in it.



Well it certainly beats the sight of a naked Colin Montgomerie.



If I may introduce Lemmy to do the quote....."I like to see the women naked, I'm not in denial."

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Yorkshiresoul As Agony Aunt

So, you're gay, and you don't know how to approach your parents and come out to them.

Well, one approach might be to tell your boss all about it, secure in the knowledge that your Dad reads this blog most mornings, then your boss can blab it to the world, granted your Dad might choke on his morning coffee, but problem solved.

It can't be easy for the parents either, after all, the little they they brought into the world, loved and nurtured, who did well at school and then went away to Salford University, well, they wern't really expecting that you'd come back a rug muncher.

I must admit that it came as a bit of a shock to me as well Jenni, you always seemed rather keen on the boys when you were here, I never suspected for a moment that you were going to wear comfortable shoes / bat for the other side, or, considering your area of study, become a manflora, bollo or pantalonuda.

Anyway, I've tried to be subtle and drop the odd gentle hint there for your Mum and Dad, so when you get back from your trip to Kos with your new 'friend', you will be able to properly introduce her as your girlfriend and your parents won't freak out.

On second thoughts, perhaps I havn't got the hang of this agony aunt thing at all, I'll save this as a draft and edit it later.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

A Rambler's Call To Arms

Ramblers, next time you are out and about on country lanes, please walk three abreast and link arms, this will keep cyclists from overtaking you at dangerous speeds and doing harm to themselves. You will find that cyclists will thank you and compliment you for this kind and caring action, and will certainly never ever make rude hand gestures, swear or spit at you.

Cyclists, please remember when you're out pottering about on country lanes, that some of us live and work out here and we'd rather not spend the next hour travelling at crawling speeds behind you because you're too bloody rude and ill mannered to allow other road users to come past.

Also, red lights do apply to bicycle riders, as do all other rules and laws of the road.

I'm going to campaign for a change in the law.

Yorkshiresoul's Law Of Cycling : When a pack of lycra clad road facists insist on travelling 3 abreast, Yorkshiresoul will be allowed to run down the outermost of the 3 as a warning to the others.
Ducks



On the 1st fairway at Ilkley Golf Club, this mother duck had 7 chicks on the Friday afternoon, but only 4 were there when I took these pics on the following Monday. We have rather too many Mink on the Wharfe at the moment.



The mother wasn't at all bothered by the passing golfers, even when this chap landed his ball in the short rough only a few feet from her.
Moan, Whinge, etc.

I don't often complain about my life, I'd rather this was a revolutionist's blog than a whiners blog, but this summer has been bloody hard. I have usually had a full time chef plus someone else capable of running at least the basic bar menu so I can get nights off on the quiet nights.

This year though it just didn't work out. I've worked pretty much double shifts every day since the beginning of the summer season (late April), in June I managed a single night off, every other day I worked at least a 12 hour shift. July was slightly better, I managed a day off (but had to work the evening shift), and had another night off, ooh the luxury when we were kids we had to work 9 days a week and lick the road clean on't way 't mill etc.

August has brought the traditional dip in summer trade, with parents busy with their offspring we have less people visiting the club, and so far I have had a night off, a full day off (well, I put in 3 hours in the morning, but hey ho) and this coming weekend, barring staff disasters, I'm planning on two full days off.

To be honest though, this summer hasn't been a lot of fun, I've hardly seen anything of my family and friends. I don't mind working hard, but there's hard and then there's too hard.

Hopefully things will be easier from here on. Carol has stepped up from waitress to trainee chef and she is dong really well, last night she came on front of house with me and worked on the carvery, well done Carol, sterling work. Young April had also stepped up a bit and is starting to cook. Oddly, I'd offered a couple of the waiting staff a new deal, more hours, a wage rise, first pick of which sessions to work, in exchange for which they would learn a bit of simple cookery to help me out (so free training really), and they turned it down, why would you turn down a pay rise and the chance to acquire new skills ? I don't know, youth of today, oh bugger, I've just turned into my Grandad.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz 6.6 Answers & League

1) How many Bond films have there been in which the film's theme song was not the film's title ?

5

Dr No - The James Bond Theme
On Her Majesty's Secret Service - We Have All The Time In The World
The Spy Who Loved Me - Nobody Does It Better
Octopussy - All Time High
Casino Royale - You Know My Name

2) In the year that Frank Sinatra won his second 'Best Album' Grammy, who won the Grammy for 'Best Record' ?

Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

3) Put these in order of composition ? Tannhauser, Don Giovanni, Madame Butterfly, Fidelio.

Don Giovani, Mozart, 1787
Fidelio, Beethoven, 1814
Tannhauser, Wagner, 1845
Madame Butterfly, Pucini, 1904

4) Which was the first tragedy that Shakespeare wrote ?

Titus Andronicus

5) Who directed the film in which Max von Sydow plays a game of chess with death ?

Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal

6) What links Ozzy Osbourne, Sid Vicious and Henry Irving ?

Thy all had the real first name John

7) What is the binary for 18 ?

10010

8) What is an extreme desire or enthusiasm for alcohol properly called ?

Methomania

9) What is an extreme or irrational fear of thunder properly called ?

Brontophobia

10) What was the name of the art movement that used small dots of colour, usually unmixed, to represent shapes ?

Pointilism

6.6 Scores & League Table

MR 9
Didier 8
Penny 7
Lyle 5

Bit thin on the ground for this round.

1) Didier 61
1) MR 61
3) Dominic L 48
4) Tony G 42
5) Chez 42
6) Mr Moosehead 30
7) Squirt 28
8) Penny Farthing 24
9) Dr P 19
10) Alistair T 14
10) James Hill 14
12) Lyle 13
13) Dr. P 8
14) Stephanie 6
We Care A Lot

At first when I read today's Indy I was confused. On the front page we had Kate McCann telling the heartbreaking story of her vanished daughter Madeleine. Then on page 25 there is the story of the Asian monsoon, with hundreds feared dead and millions upon millions having lost their homes, farms and everything they posessed.

After some thought I understood, Kate and Madeleine McCann are both beautiful and blue eyed, Kate is intelligent, articulate and middle class. Many millions of the people in Nepal, Bangladesh and India are poor, coloured and ill educated, some of them are also quite ugly.

The moral therefore is, if you're poor, foreign and black, we should care a lot less about you. The Indy is still the best of the quality papers, but it is in danger of sliding back towards the celeb obsessed Times and Telegraph.

Other crap papers in the UK today are reporting on the Great White Shark that never was and the dogging policeman, and probably Big Brother, a pox on them all.