Monday, September 29, 2003

The Quiz - Week 6 of 10

1) Our bassist went mad, played one note for an entire gig and took his own bodyweight in LSD, so we got another one. We managed to fall out with our songwriting guitarist and went on tour without him, he claimed he was the only person with the legal right to play his songs, as a consequence we had more lawyers than roadies as we toured the USA, who are we?

2) Name two Iron Maiden singers. Not including Bruce ?

3) Bruce Dickinson gave up the chance to compete in the Olympics to sing with Maiden, at what sport ?

4) Our singer managed to crash his car whilst pissed and killed a member of another band, we took lots of drugs and then some, while on tour with Guns 'n Roses a backstage tiff led to an exchange of live ammunition, who are we ?

5) What was the name of the spoof heavy metal band formed by Adrian Edmundson and Rik Mayall ?

6) What nationality are 'The Mad Capsule Markets' ?

7) We only sing in our own language, despite this we have become pretty popular across Europe, our singer has a penchant for setting himself on fire on stage, who are we ?

8) We didn't give interviews, we didn't release singles, we did insert fish in our groupies and become the biggest band on the planet, who are we ?

9) Ronnie James Dio gave up singing in Black Sabbath because of a milk crate ? Explain ?

10) When challenged to do something extreme, what exactly did Ozzy snort a line of ?

Google that you buggers!
Album review, Muse - Absolution ****



Muse are one of those bands that split people in to two categories.........

1) You love them

2) You are a cloth eared buffoon with a large collection of Limp Bizkit remixes.

Alright, I'm biased, but wait for my TCTC review and you'll see that bias counts for nowt when you release a pile of shite.

Matthew Bellamy had promised that Absolution would be 'heavier and weirder' than either Showbiz or Origin Of Symmetry, but better ? Can they do better than Symmetry ? Which is, by the way, right up there in my top ten albums of all time.

Absolution is good. First single Stockholm Syndrome sounds like Chris Wolstenholme and Dominic Howard spent the last two years listening to a bizarre mix of European speed metal and Wagner, Matts vocals still sound as if he's trying to communicate with dolphins.

Matts lyrics on this third album are as impenetrable and obscure as ever, the whole of Absolution, reading just the lyrics, comes across as a lengthy, bleak, romantic poem, Coleridge crossed with Byron if you will. The only exception to Bellamy's odyssey of the spirit is the black humour of 'Thoughts Of A Dying atheist' who proclaims "it scares the hell out of me, the end is all I can see", thank God that I thank God then.

Lars Ulrich once said that James Hetfields lyrics had "A lot of air and space between them", Matt Bellamy's musings are akin to those areas of air and space, ephermal and ethereal, soaring and intoxicating yes incomplete, each batch of words opens itself to the next rather than closing themselves off as the song ends.

Absolution moves through territory that is at once both familiar and strange, Muse's orchestral manouvres, histrionic guitar and vocal wailings and pounding rhythm's are well applied to a new group of songs, whilst new audio trickery erupts on the wonderful 'Hurricanes and Butterflies'.

14 tracks of wonderful melodrama with everything overstated and grandiose, Muse started out by being called Radiohead clones, but let's be fair, they have never been dull, depressing whiners. Muse are wonderfully left of centre, out of kilter with mainstream rock, and long may they continue to be so.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

I read with a little sadness that MSN are about to shut all of their chatrooms, supposedly to prevent pedophiles from getting access to children, on this basis we should close all public parks, cinemas, churches and schools.

I enjoy chatrooms from time to time, and would have thought that the monitored MSN rooms were slightly safer than the hundreds of rooms operating from other, possibly less reputable sites.

On a serious note though, you will have read many stories about nubile, teenage girls running off with older men, and like me you may be wondering, what chat up lines do they use, mine never seem to work. So come on girls, you only have two weeks left to respond to.....

"Portly, beardy, hairy old bloke wants to whisper to blonde, under 16, Britney lookalike"
Wine Review - Bestheim Gewurtztraminer '01, Alsace ****

Delicious, full and fruity, absolutely filled with ripe lychee, mango and pineapple flavours, off dry and slightly sweet on the nose, the sweetness all comes from ripe fruit rather than sugar though. I enjoy Gewurtz with sweet chinese food, it seems to compliment sugary sauces without fighting against them, it would be equally good with fruit based starters or desserts.

Winnner of the Madaille D'Or at the Grand concours Des Vins D'Alsace, cost, um, I've forgotten, bought from Laithwaites.

Thursday, September 25, 2003



Thanks to JR. I wil do a small site redisign soon, after next week perhaps, and I will use the kindly offered services of Dr.P, Anjarchista etc, cheers folks.
When I took all those sunset photo's the other week I looked along the top of Ilkley Moor and was rather suprised to see a Phoenix rising over the heather!

Iraqi Freedom fighters have captured Saddam Hussein near Tikrit. They offered him to the USA for the $25m reward. But Chelsea are reported to have bid $27m.






A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party
alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she
was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his
good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he
went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as
it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know
what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her
husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the
party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor,
dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and
a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to
her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her
husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had sex in the
back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put
the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would make up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when
he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing.
You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked,
"Did you dance much?" He replied, I'll tell you; I never even danced one
dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we
went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all
night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad.
Apparently he had the time of his life."

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

How to draw a dragon, words can't really explain what is going on here.
Yorkshire Soul Pointless Poll.........

Beatniksalad's Ryan has loosed the Rage virus upon the world and the bloody eyed Infected are taking over, you have a secret bunker, but you can only save three other people, who will it be ?

YSoul readers will occupy the bunker with......

Michael Vaughaun, Nell McAndrew and Cilla Black who just pipped Roy Keane to the door. Roy Keane ? I thought the point was to keep the bloody eyes, psycopathic maniacs on the outside ? Oh well.

Persons who were least popular, and therefore thrown to the zombies first..........

Anne Widdecombe (sorry Sedge), John Leslie and Alistair Campbell.

Book Reviews, Neal Asher - Gridlinked ****, The Skinner *****



Asher has previously published four other works, two novellas and two short story collections, Gridlinked is his first full length novel.

Ian Cormac works for Earth Central Security, he's hard, dangerous, and losing all sense of human perspective as he has been permanently hard wired to an AI ('gridlinked') for over two decades, thus his enigmatic boss thinks it's a good idea to unplug him, then send him on his hardest mission ever.

As Cormac zips around trying to discover who, or what, has destroyed a part of the inter-planetary teleportation grid known as runcible stations, he is pursued by the vengeful and possibly insane separatist terrorist Arian Pelter and his definitely insane cyborg assistant, the frightening Mr. Crane.

A super powerful alien entity called Dragon, a creature composed of four globes of pink flesh, each a kilometer across, Dragon also appears to be verging on the barking mad and having a vastly powerful alien playing to its own agenda makes Cormacs job even harder.

Gridlinked fairly zips along in good space opera style, Asher isn't looking to challenge our preconceptions of the modern world with his writing, he's looking to entertain us, hurrah! Bombs, bodies and battles abound as the arms race between Cormac and Pelter heats up and leads to a violent and fairly satisfying ending.



Welcome to Spatterjay........where sudden death is the normal way of life. The resident lifeforms of Spatterjay have evolved in tandem with a virus that ensures their survival under almost any circumstances, you can catch a fish, skin it, fillet it, drop the skeleton back in the water and it will swim off and start to regrow itself.

This works for humans too, Hoopers they're called, the oldest, most dangerous Hooper of them all is the Skinner, so named because that's what he does to people.

Onto this world come Sable Keech, a 7 century old walking corpse, Janer, a man carrying two hornets in a glass box (obviously he isn't carrying bees, although they are sentient they have no past or future tense and are therefore very difficult to understand) and Erlin, who is just possibly looking for love.

On a planet where the inhabitants just won't die, Asher lets his most violent tendencies roam free, the resulting action is spellbinding and hilarious. Hilarious you ask ? Just wait 'til you encounter the single, nay bloody minded ex war drone Sniper.

As Keech roams the planet searching for the last of the people that killed him seven hundred years ago more players enter the fray, Ebulan the arachnid Prador captain, his crew of cored human zombies and the brainwiped woman implanted with the personality of one of Keech's killers arrive with all guns blazing, plus alien mercenaries with more guns, and remember, if you stop moving for a moment, something on Spatterjay will try to eat you, and don't go swimming, ever.

A hugely violent and entertaining read, it's right up there with Consider Phlebus. The action never stops and leads to the final climactic battle with body parts everywhere, and you had better shoot that dismembered arm again, it aint dead yet!

Friday, September 19, 2003

50 Things To Do Before You Die

The complete list as nominated by BBC TV viewers:

Swim with dolphins
Scuba dive on Great Barrier Reef, Australia
Fly Concorde to New York, New York, USA
Go whale-watching
Dive with sharks
Skydiving
Fly in a hot air balloon
Fly in a fighter jet
Go on safari
See the Northern Lights
Walk the Inca trail to Machu Picchu, Peru, South America
Climb Sydney Harbour Bridge, Sydney, Australia
Escape to a paradise island
Drive a Formula 1 car
Go white-water rafting
Walk the Great Wall of China
Bungee-jumping
Ride the Rocky Mountaineer train, Canada
Drive along Route 66, USA
Fly in a helicopter over the Grand Canyon, Colorado, USA
Take the Orient Express from Venice to London
See elephants in the wild
Explore Antarctica
Ride a motorbike on the open road
Have a go at cowboy ranching
Climb Mount Everest
Wonder at a waterfall
Travel into space
Explore the Galapagos Islands
Trek through a rainforest
Gallop a horse along a beach
Ride a camel to the Pyramids, Egypt
Take the Trans-Siberian Railway from Moscow to Vladivostok
Catch sunset over Uluru (Ayres Rock) , Northern Territories, Australia
Go wing-walking
Climb Mount Kilimanjaro, Africa
Fly over a volcano
Drive a husky sled
Hike up a glacier
Ride a rollercoaster
Fish for blue marlin
Go paragliding
Play a round of golf at Augusta, Georgia, USA
Watch mountain gorillas
See tigers in the wild
Do the Cresta Run, Switzerland
Visit Walt Disney World, Florida, USA
Visit Las Vegas, Nevada, USA
See orang-utans in Borneo
Go polar bear watching

I am really annoyed by nearly all of this list, I think it just shows the current paucity of human spirit. No.1 thing to do before you you die ? How about having children before swimming with dolphins ? How about running a marathon before you go bothering tigers ?

The Captain and Lady Captain at my golf club recently organised a charity day which raised enough money to fund a disabled childrens sports charity for a year! There's something to do before you ride a rollercoaster.

Nearly every item on the list of 50 things could easily be achieved when you threw a bit of money at it, there was no struggle, nothing to accomplish, nothing to be justifiably proud of. If you saw the program you also will have noticed that the man who wanted to climb Everest climed as far as..........base camp, well whoop de fucking do, and pick up some bloody litter whilst you are there, the bottom of Everest looks like the campsite at the Leeds festival on Monday morning.

The two girls walking the Great Wall, they didn't want to walk all of it, oh no, just the little touristy bit in the middle, in their bloody high heels and Prada bags.

Do you thing that the Aboriginies get really pissed off that everyone (including the BBC who should know better) write, Uluru (Ayers Rock) ? What next ?
"Coming soon, the travellers to guide to France (Just to the right of Spain)"
And I'm sorry for my well educated American readers who have to put up with........
"Today George Bush will visit London, England", yes! As opposed to the other London.

Sorry, wandered off the point there, right, here's a short list of things I'd like to do..................

The London Marathon
The Pennine Way
The Lyke Wake Walk (this is a double marathon distance hiked in one go)
The Long Walk (100 miles, over 3 days, annual but route varies)
The Appalachian Trail, ever since reading Bill Brysons account I have fancied this one.
Shagging Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears, TATU, Kylie, possibly all at once but I'm not that fussy if they can't all make it on the same day.
Punching Alistair Campbell, really hard.
Watching glorious Leeds trounce Scum 6-0. with Keane sent off in the opening five minutes.
Seeing England whitewash the Australians in an Ashes series.
Raise £10,000 for charity.
Visit my sponsor child Adam, at his home in West Timor.
Be a good and useful Godparent to my Godchildren Jo and Ellie.
Give up some of my infrequent holidays to plant trees for the Woodland Trust.
Get elected to parliament, become Speaker, and then at PMQ's say to Blair......"Just answer the fucking question Tony"
Punch Bam Margera when he asks for a hard slap, preferably breaking his annoying little jaw.
Have a boxing match, although this would invariably end with me getting hurt.
Go foxhunting, and wild boar hunting, and shooting pheasant.
There's a thing in country sports, in Scotland, where you fish a salmon, shoot a brace of pheasant and bag a stag, all in one day.

Right then, what's your list of must do things ? (and try to leave the dolphins alone please, they only swim with us because they're too polite to say "Sweaty, greasy humans again, fuck no").
Sorry about the lack of blogging, normal, well weird service, will resume next week. We are hosting the Senior English Ladies Close Amateur Championship which has involved a whole week of early starts and late finishes, it has been an interesting break from the norm though.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Wine Review - Tre Uve Ultima *****



Tre Uve Ultima used to be on sale for under a fiver, but prices are starting to rise as people realise just how good this is. An inky black liquid with a strong nose, the wine is packed with dense, concentrated fruit and silky smooth tannins. Rich and flavour packed on the tongue, it has a long finish.

Ultima is made from a blend of Montepulciano, Sangiovese and Primitivo by Gaetane Carron. Gaetane grows her grapes in Puglia and Abruzzo but wishes to source from all over Italy in the future. Tre Uve suffers slightly, not in the flavour mind you, from Italy's bizarre and archaic wine laws, thus it is classified only as table wine (Vino de Tavola) and cannot print it's vintage on the bottle.

At £6.49 it still represents stunning value for money, I honestly don't think there is a better big red at this price.


Hurrah! Thanks to Sedge.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Big thanks to Sedge, I will display your awesome work just as soon as bloody blooger allows me to upload files, bah.
Eleanor writes about an advertising jingle used to promote Viagra, what would be the best song ever for promoting the lurve pill ?

How about 'Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now' ?
I was cheeky to Eddie Gray...........and lived!

As you well know, the rich and famous often dine at my humble house of gastronomy, and last night LUFC and Scotland legend Eddie Gray was amongst the guests at a dinner.

As I was serving the buffet the midfield hard man asked me to put ceefax on the telly so he could see what the Scotland score was.

"Are there some minor nations matches tonight then?" I quipped.

He shot me that look, the one midfielders used to get before he left them sprawling in the mud (where invariably they were trodden on by Norman Hunter), but luckily he didn't maim me, only because he wanted seconds though.

This is what football is all about, hating your ex-players, bags of jealousy and heaps of bitter resentment, the mouse over graphics are pretty funny though.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Yorkshire Pudding

An American writes........"What is Yorkshire Pudding, is it really pudding?"

Well Sheila, yes and no. Yorkshire puddings are made with a batter similar to pancake or clafouti mix, then baked in a tin until they rise, ideally they should be crispy at the top and a little soft at the bottom. They are traditionally served with roast meats, especially beef, but canny Yorkshire folk serve them as a first course in order to fill up their guests and get them to eat less meat.

As they are fairly neutral in flavour you can also eat them spread with jam, or hot and drizzled with golden syrup.



Recipe, EBV always works, Equal By Volume.

1/2 pint plain flour
1/2 pint eggs
1/2 pint milk
pinch salt

This will work in any quantity, beat the mixture together in to a batter, heat your pudding tin with some fat until it is smoking, get the oven about as hot as it will go, fill each mould half full and put back in the oven for about twenty minutes.



This is a rib of beef that I prepared earlier, serve your puddings with this.
The Anjarchista interview.

1) What are Norways major contributions to world culture ?

2) If you had to choose between boyfriend or cats, who would get to stay ?

3) Which would you rather see happen, Norway fully integrated into the EU, or hordes of rampaging Vikings laying waste to Northern Europe ?

4) Has a book ever had a profound or lifechanging effect on you ?

5) Describe, in some detail, your idea of a perfect dinner, minimum four courses, and what you would have to drink with it.

Whilst waiting for my party to arrive in the dining rom last night I spied a nice sunset and popped out to take a picture......



Isn't that pretty ? I waited outside for about 20 minutes with the sky changing colour all the time.





Moments before darkness fell, I was treated to this awesome, fiery display......



Do you think I love living here ? Oh yes.
More names................

Joe Perry
Vinnie Vincent
Tony Clarkin
Steve Rothery
Michael Weikath
Michael Schenker
Mike Oldfield
John Sykes

This set me thinking, there were bands that produced amazing guitar sounds with a combination of two or three guitarists, but perhaps none would have made the list as an individual, thus.......

Chris DeGarmo - Michael Wilton (Queensryche)
Tom Scholz - Brad Delp - Barry Goudeau (Boston)
Gary Rossington - Ed King - Randall Hall (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Saturday, September 06, 2003

Ok, new project, as suggested by Eleanor, let's get a proper 100 Guitarists thing going (and if Jack White gets included then I'm adding Francis Rossi AND Rick Parfitt!).

Names to get it kicked off, in no particular order..........

Jimmy Page
Kirk Hammet
Dave Ellefson
Dave Gilmour
Carlos Santana
Peter Green
Ritchie Blackmore
Yngwie Malmsteen
Joe Satriani
Eddie Van Halen
Randy Rhoads
Jimi Hendrix
Tony Iommi

Right then, get them rockers added................
Would anyone like to redisign my blog for me ? I'd do it myself but I'm too fat/lazy/ignorant of html. What I would really like is a nice photo of Justin Hawkins/Jimmy Page etc throwing shapes and playing a cricket bat, with a new Yorkshiresoul logo across it, any keen photoshoppers fancy being nice to me ?
Well, the end of season is nearly upon me, two more weeks and it all goes a bit quiet, let's hope I've made some money.

YSoul will be a year old in two weeks, shall we have a party ? Also, I should be welcoming the 10,000th visitor (on the current counter anyway), use the counter at the bottom of the page and say hello if you are #10,000, you might get a free smack in the mouth with a fresh haddock for your endeavors.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

I'm busy ok, so I'm just stealing good content from other people's blogs ( Aftergrog in this case) here's Rolling Stone's list of 100 top guitarists, feel free to scream at the insanity which places Brian May nearly thirty places below Kurt Cobain, vent your spleen at Jack White being on the list at all etc.

1 Jimi Hendrix
2 Duane Allman
3 B.B. King
4 Eric Clapton
5 Robert Johnson
6 Chuck Berry
7 Stevie Ray Vaughan
8 Ry Cooder
9 Jimmy Page
10 Keith Richards
11 Kirk Hammett
12 Kurt Cobain
13 Jerry Garcia
14 Jeff Beck
15 Carlos Santana
16 Johnny Ramone
17 Jack White
18 John Frusciante
19 Richard Thompson
20 James Burton
21 George Harrison
22 Mike Bloomfield
23 Warren Haynes
24 The Edge of U2
25 Freddy King
26 Tom Morello
27 Mark Knopfler
28 Stephen Stills
29 Ron Asheton
30 Buddy Guy
31 Dick Dale
32 John Cipollina
33 Lee Ranaldo
34 Thurston Moore
35 John Fahey
36 Steve Cropper
37 Bod Diddley
38 Peter Green
39 Brian May
40 John Fogerty
41 Clarence White
42 Robert Fripp
43 Eddie Hazel
44 Scotty Moore
45 Frank Zappa
46 Les Paul
47 T-Bone Walker
48 Joe Perry
49 John McLaughlin
50 Pete Townshend
51 Paul Kossoff
52 Lou Reed
53 Mickey Baker
54 Jorma Kaukonen
55 Ritchie Blackmore
56 Tom Verlaine
57 Roy Buchanan
58 Dickey Betts
59 Jonny Greenwood
60 Ed O'Brien
61 Ike Turner
62 Zoot Horn Rollo
63 Danny Gatton
64 Mick Ronson
65 Hubert Sumlin
66 Vernon Reid
67 Link Wray
68 Jerry Miller
69 Steve Howe
70 Eddie Van Halen
71 Lightnin' Hopkins
72 Joni Mitchell
73 Trey Anastasio
74 Johnny Winter
75 Adam Jones
76 Ali Farka Toure
77 Henry Vestine
78 Robbie Robertson
79 Cliff Gallup
80 Robert Quine
81 Derek Trucks
82 David Gilmour
83 Neil Young
84 Eddie Cochran
85 Randy Rhoads
86 Tony Iommi
87 Joan Jett
88 Dave Davies
89 D. Boon
90 Glen Buxton
91 Robby Krieger
92 Fred "Sonic" Smith
93 Wayne Kramer
94 Bert Jansch
95 Kevin Shields
96 Angus Young of AC/DC
97 Robert Randolph
98 Leigh Stephens
99 Greg Ginn
100 Kim Thayil

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Skulking through the terrain, carrying a reflective halberd, cometh Mike! And he gives a spectacular scream:

"Ares, God of War, be praised! I lay waste to all I see with God on my side!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys



Shamelessly stolen from Aftergrog blog.
Now that was a busy day, the Ilkley Ladies Open Day, 170 players plus our ladies comittee to look after, you've never seen as many prawn sandwiches. During the afternoon a lady came to me with a complaint.........

"These potatoes are cold," she said. I looked at her meal, frankly baffled.

"Yes madam, it's potato salad."

I have a friend who worked in a restaurant during his university time, one evening a drunken fool sent back his dish of scampi and calvados with the comment.........

"There's 16 scampi in this and not one bloody calvados." !!

Monday, September 01, 2003

Car accesories ? Nuts.
Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - week 5 Answers

No quiz for two weeks as I'm a bit busy, the blog might be fairly quiet al round, Ilkley are hosting the English Ladies Golf Association all next week so I'll be kept fairly busy.

1) It's a spherical cloud of comets, perhaps 10 trillion in number, out beyond Jupiter, what is it called? The Oort Cloud.

2) Who is this ?



Pol Pot

3) Britain went to war with Spain in 1739 because Spanish coastguards cut off part of Captain Robert Jenkins anatomy, what did the poor man lose? His ear was cut off by Spanish pirates operating under royal licence.

4) What was the Roman name for the area of Africa where present day Algeria is?
Numidia

5) Who is this ?



Thabo Umbeki

6) In which year did Christian Dior show his first fashion collection ? 1947

7) Here is a pretty looking city at dusk, where is this ?



Montreal, and where was Canuck Eleanor on this one?


8) "And in a shed, in a siding at the end of the railway, lives the Locomotive of the Merioneth and Llantisilly Rail Traction Company Limited, which was a long name for a little engine so his friends just called him.............."

What do they call him, and what does he keep in his firebox ?

Ivor the Engine, and he keeps a Dragon in his firebox.

9) Who was worshipped here, and where is this ?



This question fooled everyone, this is the Temple of Bacchus at Baalbek in the Lebanon.

10) Who is Vincent Furnier better known as ? Alice Cooper.

Scores this week from a possible 12..........

JR 9
Dr. P 8
Kennamatic 6
Redmaiden 1

League Table Week 5 (Name, Running Total)

1) Dr P 48
2) JR 27
3) Kennamatic 16
4) Aftergrog 10
5) P 9
6) Andy W 5
7) Sheila 2
8) Redmaiden 2