Sunday, November 30, 2003

The Yorkshire Soul Quiz - Week 10 of 10

Ok then, so we all know Dr.P is an all round smartypants and has won by a mile, but get your answers in on or before next Friday Dec 5th, via e-mail please, get your brains worked up for the second series.

1) Musically speaking, link Her Majesty The Queen, Edgar Allan Poe, Mao Tse Tsung and Sir Walter Raleigh ?

2) What links these phrases...............?

"How to recognise different types of trees from quite a long way away"
"The BBC entry to the Zinc Stoat of Budapest"

3) Who is next in this series.............?
Sebastian Coe
Steve Ovett
Sebastian Coe
Steve Ovett
Sebastian Coe

4) In 1946, what was Stevenage ?

5) What links Michael Jackson, George Weah, Zinedine Zidane, Imran Khan and Julio Iglesias ?

6) What was Captain Marvel's real name ?

7) What shopping experience linked Holly Valance and Natalie Imbruglia in 2003 ?

8) Where would you find Simon Tapertit, Nicodemeus Boffin and Count Smorltork ?

9) Bruno Nero are the middle names of which 2003 Rugby World Cup winnning English hero ?

10) What links Sam Neill, Sir Cliff Richard and The Dalai Lama ?

Saturday, November 29, 2003

"Oh no", they groan, it's another Jailbabe, or some teeny pop band that Yorkshire Soul's going to plague us with for the next few months, but no, look closely my friends at this gorgeous specimen of the human form, then allow this thought to creep in to your mind........................meat and two veg, yes honestly.
Aftermath of a suicide.

It's rare that I would post something like this, after all it pretty much falls in to the territory of sicko sites like Rotten, but sometimes amongst the fluff and frivolity of Yorkshire Soul we need to be reminded of the harsh realities of life.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

  1. Concert:: in the park
  2. Sydney:: was a very naughty boy, he had to be spnaked severely
  3. Shower:: me with presents you wonderful people
  4. Patterns:: on the inside of my eyelids when I lie awake in the dark
  5. Market:: Garden
  6. Chair:: the white one made from bones in the Iain Banks novel
  7. London:: decadance and sin, I'm on the next train
  8. Reception:: room for two please
  9. Republican:: never, staunch Monarchists only
  10. Cough:: IDS, hasn't he left the building yet

What ?? Blame I Am A Doughnut for linking to this.
Jacques Chirac made a spurious claim that Englands victory over Australia was "A great victory for Northern Europe", hot on the heels of this utter balderdash I'm pleased to present some other great political claims.

"Holocaust doing wonders for race relations," says Hitler.

"This is a vindication of my modern, strategic, military thinking," Napoleon, Waterloo.

"Bubonic plague improving the health of Catholic Europe," claims Pope.
It was reported that Jacques chirac caused a minor diplomatic gaffe earlier this week when he showed the press a picture of PM Blair's youngest son Leo, the Blairs have fiercely protected the privacy of their junior offspring, unlike Euan who makes regular appearances in the tabloids.

Euan goes shopping

Euan goes on the tube

Euan's Saturday night

Earlier on Saturday

Leo follows in elder brothers footsteps.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

I used to worry that Yorkshire Soul had become a little one dimensional, my search logs choked up with hundreds of combinations of Tatu - naked - schoolgirl - lesbian - sex.

A quick check of my search log this morning reveals the wide and far ranging blog that Yorkshire Soul has become, according to Google you could find any or all of the following somwhere in the archives...............

Sexy schoolgirl outfits - hopefully with sexy schoolgirls still in them.

Freakish Yorkshire Terriers - Yorkies are crap dogs.

George Bush/The Sun - If it's in depth political commentary you're looking for, you are on the wrong track

Tatu porn - bless you sir, it's pervs like yourself that make all the hard work worthwhile.

The witty sayings of electricians - like when they say that'll be £50 for an hours tea drinking.

Koch's Snowflake Theory - you know..... conjecture becomes myth becomes accepted fact.

The hairiest bush in Italy - along with pictures of Kelly naked and a device to measure your penis.

To end, a quick note for some surfers, I have no pictures of Mongolian girl slut sex, and I'm baffled as to either why you are searching for Andrew Taylor's underwear, or why you might think I know where he's lost them.
What sort of party games did you play as a teenager, aside from all the obvious drinking ones we had a 'game' where everyone brought a can of food with the label taken off, they were placed in a bin, when everyone was suitably pissed and hungry you had to pick a can at random, open it up and eat the contents.

If you were of a particularly evil mindset you might have brought a tin of Pedigree Chum sans label, and Davina Richardson might have picked it from the bin, eaten one small forkfull, and started to cry. Obviously I didn't do this, I was just there when it happened, no really, you've got to believe me.
The football world was rocked further last week when a Manchester United player took part in an international match.

A spokesman for Scumchester said.........."Obviously Ferguson meant to withdraw Ryan Giggs with a spurious injury claim before the match, but with all the fuss over his racehorse he just forgot."

The Scumchester manager, affectionately known to Leeds fans as 'The Drunken Tramp', says he has no plans to allow and Scummers to play for England, he claimed that the Neville brothers were scheduled to have flu during Euro '04, whilst Paul Scholes was down for an operation on his troublesome bank balance.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Aargh, I've had a virus, a data miner and page grabber all at once, just to be safe, don't open any e-mails that I've sent in the last two months.
Leeds United Footballer In New Scandal

The press were camped outside Paul Robinsons Leeds home last night as yet another scandal hit bottom of the table LUFC.

Professor Boffin, LUFC Chairman, read a tense statement at Elland Road this morning in which he said the Leeds management would investigate the claims made in yesterdays tabloids.

The Daily Rag broke the story yesterday when it claimed that....."After training, Robinson often goes home for a cup of tea and watches Countdown"

Boffin said in reply "Obviously we expect our players to be out molesting members of the public, mainlining heroin and murdering small animals, if these claims are true then Robinson is clearly setting a poor example to the rest of the team."

Robinson appeared shocked when confronted by reporters.

"It's all lies," he said. "I watched Debbie Does Donkeys with two hookers, drank twelve bottles of WKD and then went out and mugged two old ladies."
Calling Australia - WAHEY!!

Australia descending into a state of national shock this morning as their rugby team (which included an extra man for 80mins in the form of the referee) was beaten by the mighty England side.

Many Australians wept in disbelief as Jason Robinson crossed the line to score a try, Australia as a whole had thought that England could only kick points (despite running in dozens of tries earlier in the competition, weird that).

The match was sealed when super Johnny Wilkinson kicked a drop goal in extra time and ensured that England became the first northern hemisphere side to lift the World Cup.

Rumours have surfaces that Australia are pressing for rule changes to world rugby, out man on the spot Andy W has found a list of the rule proposals..................

Rule 23: Matches involving an England XV
1) Whereas general matches are decided by number of points scored,
England must not only score more points but also run in a superior
number of tries to be awarded a victory.

2) Games in which England score more points than the opposition in the
Southern Hemisphere shall be considered void. (This is a recent
amendment, replacing the long-standing law that games won at Twickenham
are void. The older version was found inadequate to the developing
situation. This law may be subject to further revision at the end of

3) Games in which England score more points than the opposition with
Jonny Wilkinson on the pitch shall be considered void.

4) Games in which England score more points than the opposition and in
which any England player, supporter or indeed national offend any
player, supporter or national of the opposition or for that matter any
other country, by so much as a poorly timed sneeze, shall be considered

5) Games in which England score more points than the opposition and the
opposition are at the beginning or end of their season shall be
considered void.
6) Games in which England score more points than the opposition and the
prevailing weather and conditions bear so much as the faintest
resemblance to that in which most England players normally play shall be
considered void. Otherwise called the "Maori Rule"

7) Games in which England score more points than the opposition and a
member of the opposition is sent off or sin-binned for foul play shall
be considered void. To play against fewer than XV men is unsporting,
whatever the reason. Should England have a member of their team sent off
or sin-binned, refer to law 4 above.

8) In games in which England score more points than the opposition, but
in which the opposition score last, the opposition are deemed to have
finished the game the stronger and are therefore deemed the winners.
Otherwise known as the "Wellington Rule" see also "Moral victory".

9) If England selects Martin Johnson in their side, they will be deemed
to have brought the game into disrepute through violent conduct. The
opposition will be awarded the match and Johnson will be banned for six

10) If any England player, official or supporter ever suggests that, in
a game that they 'won', England was the better side and deserved to win,
the game shall be considered void.

11) Similarly, if any England player, official or supporter ever
suggests that England might win their pool in any Rugby World Cup, they
will be accused of insufferable arrogance, bringing the game into
disrepute and England will be thrown out of the aforementioned
tournament forthwith.

12) Games that England lose shall be considered tests, whatever the
nature of the game, opposition or composition of the England XV, and
shall count in the test statistics of played/won/lost. In the (unlikely)
event of England winning a game it shall be considered at best a
friendly A international and counted as such. Laws 23:1 to 23:10
inclusive have no relevance in the event of England scoring less points
than the opposition, nor should they be applied in any way to the
circumstances or behaviour of the opposition

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

England (and soon to be Chelsea) manager, Sven Goran Ericson has said this morning that he has serious doubts over the state of the pitch in Macedonia...........

(Thanks to Andy W)

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Here is a little game for you, make the monkeys dive from the cliff, is you miss the waves they splatter all over the pointy rocks, probably not for small children.

Monday, November 17, 2003

Note to my D&D players, please don't worship satan, cast spells in the real world, or hang yourself in your bedroom when Jubilex reduces your character to a puddle of ooze.

Gosh, I've grown up listening to heavy metal and playing Dungeons & Dragons, it's a surprise that I didn't either kill myself or climb a water tower with a hunting rifle. This bloke is obviously a nitwit, playing games and belief in God are not mutually exclusive.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Plugged Ball Stops Play

In golf yes, but cricket? This was the unlikely situation in the 1st test between the Windies and Zimbabwe when a practice shot careered across the field and was pressed into the wicket by the roller. I've been looking into previous occasions in which unusual events halted play.

WI v. India, play was held up for 2 hours due to the late arrival of the home team, it was later claimed that they had extreme difficulty in fitting Brian Lara's ego on the team bus.

Pakistan v. Australia, play was delayed for 42 minutes when when Shane Warne became wedged in the players gate, after a good rub down with ghee the portly spin bowler finally made it out to the wicket.

England v. South Africa, play was delayed for over an hour when captain Mike Atherton failed to arrive at Lords, he was later found in a builders merchants purchasing sand.
The Quiz - Week 9 of 10 Answers

If you want to see the pictures again, look at Monday the 10ths post.

1) 'Ipsa quidem pretium virtus sibi', it's latin, what does it say ? 'Virtue Is Its Own Reward'

2) This is a 'Real Time Strategic Urban Drainage Network Model', no honestly it is, but which town/city is this, big clue, it is British ? Bolton

3) Born in 1953 he became the best downhill skier of all time with a record 35 World Cup wins, he got an Olympic gold in 1976 and was World Cup Downhill Champion 5 times, name him ? Franz Klamer (and a bloody awful pun Dr.P)

4) Which British city does this coat of arms belong to ? Leeds

5) Which island group does Christmas Island belong to, and which nation is it part of ? The Line Islands, Northern Territories, Australia.

6) You're here because you wouldn't drink...................? Milk.

7) ETA, they plant bombs and kill people, but what does ETA stand for, and what does it mean in English ? Euskadi Ta Askatasuna - Basque Homeland and Freedom

8) Who is this monkey ? One of the unemployed, hoorah. Peter Reid. All together now.......(to the tune of Yellow Submarine) Peter Reids got a fucking monkeys head, a fucking monkeys head, a fucking monkeys head.

9) Who is this ? Rudyard Kipling (Do you like Kipling ? I don't know, I've never kippled)

10) A pretty looking city all lit up, where is this ? Brussels.

JR roars in to this weeks 1st place with 10 from a possible 11, Dr.P's fine run of form gets him second place with 8, Trish (Saeri) gets 7. I thought the Bolton question was impossible, bah to Google Images.

League Table Week 9 (Name, Running Total)

1) Dr P 82
2) JR 37
3) P 19
4) Kennamatic16
5) Sheila 14
6) Aftergrog 10
7) Trish 7
8) Andy W 5
9) Redmaiden 4
10) Penny Farthing 3

Friday, November 14, 2003

How Well Do You Know Your Friends

Sheila poses this question via e-mail, but I'm having a short on inspiration week so you're getting a Yorkshiresoul Friday 38.

1. What time is it?...... 07.40 AM
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate: Michael Andrew Jarvis
3. Nicknames: Does Uncle Mikey count ?
4. Number of candles on your last birthday cake? 36
5. Pets: None
6. Hair color: Brown, rapidly turning white
7. Piercing: both ears and a prince albert
8. Eye color: brown, often bloodshot
9. Hometown: Burley-In-Wharfedale, Yorkshire
10. Town you live in: Ilkley, Yorkshire
11. Favorite foods: Chinese, fillet steak + pepper sauce, lobster, paella, tapas, chocolate, wine
12. Ever been to Africa: Do the Canary Islands count ?
13. Been toilet papering: What the bloody hell sort of question is this ? Is it asking about my DIY credentials, or is it an Andrex vs Izal thing ?
14. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes
15. Been in a car accident? Yes
16. Croutons or bacon bits? Both
17. Favorite day of the week: Pay day
18. Favorite restaurant: La Ciao Bella - Via Vettori - Rome, Greco's - Ilkley, Bistro Fiori - Leeds
19. Favorite flower? The glorious White Rose of my beloved Yorkshire
20. Favorite sport to watch? Cricket
21. Favorite drink: Chateau Musar 1991
22. Favorite ice cream flavor? Dark chocolate, or proper vanilla with seeds
23. Disney or Warner Bros? Don't care
24. Favorite fast food restaurant? I'm not exactly a fast food fan, but I'll go for KFC
25. What color is your bedroom carpet? Blue
26. How many times did you fail your driving test? 0.
27. Before this one, whom did you get your last e-mail from? JR
28. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card ? Travelling Man
29. What do you do most often when you are bored? Potter about on the net, read books, watch military history documentaries on the history channel.
30. Most annoying thing people ask me: "Could I have some salt please?" to which I always think "Have you bloody well tasted it yet?"
31. Bedtime: Generally about midnight, unless I'm still at work.
32. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? Pete
33. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to
respond? Pol Pot
34. Favorite TV shows? Buffy, Millenium, CSI
35. Last person you went out to dinner with? Mrs YS, last time we hosted a dinner (of sorts) we had 35 guests, fizz whizz bang oy!
36. Ford or Chevy? Don't do cars, I drive a crappy Rover that doubles in value when I fill it with petrol.
37. What are you listening to right now? Placebo - Black Market Music and Muse - Absolution.
38. What is your favorite color? Black
39. Time you finished this email? 7.55am

Tee hee, thanks to JR.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Can you see the quiz pictures now ? E-mail me with your answers if you want to come 2nd or 3rd behind Dr.P. If you still can't see the pictures, well, just have a mad guess.

Monday, November 10, 2003

And the Lord sayeth...........

(Thanks to Kitteh)
Fizz Whizz Bang Oy!

As my Godson Joe says, that is the sound a firework makes. Last night we had our annual firework extravaganza, lit up the night sky and frightened the fur off small woodland creatures for miles around.

It was a good night, much wine/ale/lager/pie 'n peas were consumed by all, assorted small people (Joshua, Steven, Joseph and Ellie toddling to keep up) ran in circles around the dinner table all night much to the amusement of all, baby Natalie sat on about 20 different laps and smiled and gurgled happily all night.

All the Chefettes/Black and Whites attended and many comments were passed by the men present about what a lucky sod I am to work with such a bevy of beauties, sadly Robyn's knickers were not on view but I'm sure JR would like me to point out..........nice builders arse there girl!

Amusing highlight..........we have security coded doors to get in to the building, so father in law potters off to the loo and decides to see what's on the other side of the door, as the door closes behind him he realizes too late he doesn't know the code and spends 40 minutes locked in the hallway until Mrs. YS rescues him, how we all laughed.

Great fun, thanks to everyone who came, cheers to Kev for helping me blow up half of Myddleton, and finally, who ate all the pies ? Andrew.
The Quiz - Week 9 of 10

1) 'Ipsa quidem pretium virtus sibi', it's latin, what does it say ?

2) This is a 'Real Time Strategic Urban Drainage Network Model', no honestly it is, but which town/city is this, big clue, it is British ?

3) Born in 1953 he became the best downhill skier of all time with a record 35 World Cup wins, he got an Olympic gold in 1976 and was World Cup Downhill Champion 5 times, name him ?

4) Which British city does this coat of arms belong to ?

5) Which island group does Christmas Island belong to, and which nation is it part of ?

6) You're here because you wouldn't drink...................?

7) ETA, they plant bombs and kill people, but what does ETA stand for, and what does it mean in English ?

8) Who is this monkey ?

9) Who is this ?

10) A pretty looking city all lit up, where is this ?

Saturday, November 08, 2003

British Athlete In Drugs Scandal

Superstar British all rounder Yorkshiresoul faced a two year ban from athletics yesterday as his 'b' sample tested positive for a performance enhancing substance.

"I never knowingly drank water" Yorkshiresoul protested yesterday. "I have a rigorous training programme designed to ensure that my veins run with a blend of cabernet, shiraz and merlot, I'm not a water cheat."

It now looks likely that Yorkshiresoul will face a lengthy competition ban, a lifetime ban from the olympics, and may have his gold medals for his two world championship wins in the 'Double Fish and Chips, Peas and a Battered Sausage' and his speciality 'Extra Large Kebab, Plenty Chilli Sauce, Go Easy On The Salad', removed.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

There's a sort of funny story over on Gaubancex about a bloke who ate garden slugs for a $20 bet. I feel that this may be the right time to reveal that I once drank half a cup of blood for a paltry £5 bet.

This came about after frightening the waiting staff by eating a slice of raw fillet steak to prove to them how good and tasty it was. When you take the fillets out of their plastic wrappers there is always a small amount of fresh blood left in the packaging.

The waitresses, certain that there were some limits to my carnivorous insanity, poured the blood into a mug and presented it to me along with a motley collection of coins dredged from the lower recesses of their purses.

Blood tastes like liquid, raw fillet, but richer and a little oily, down in one and enough spare cash for a bottle of plonk, oh, and a lot of screaming from the black and whites.

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Whilst on my random blogsurf the other day I came across Albino Blacksheep which has all sorts of fun and entertaining thingies.

For instance, it has these dancing badgers, with a mushroom and a snake, which is quirky, amusing and odd.

Secondly, it has these dancing badgers with large flaps of skin missing and a nasty looking leering bloke in the background, which is just fucking scary.

From the left then, Dr. Loosen Riesling 2000 (Mosel-Saar-Ruwer), fantastic, full, mouthfilling, off dry German wonder with bags of ripe melon. Served with Mrs. YSouls superb chilli crab linguine, for those who like chilli flavours without heat, use Peppadew chillis, sweet and flavour packed without searing the surface of your tongue. I won't mention that mum in law ate her starter with two forks, where were these people brought up ?

Forbes Family Estate Oak Aged Chardonnay (Victoria) 2002, this was ok, a tiny bit bland as chard goes, it struggled a little against the chilli-crab combination.

Grant Burge 'Filsell' Old Vine Shiraz '99 (Barossa), huge big black beast, deepest purple in colour, big on the nose, massive in the mouth, packed full of very ripe, peppery berries, smooth, concentrated. Served with locally shot pheasant, from the Beamsley Shoot (Cheers Colin), braised for hours and finished with brandy and cream. Roast pots, sweetheart cabbage, carrot and swede puree, sugar snaps, brocolli and baby corn.

Cheeseboard of mostly British cheeses, then coffee and Salika, a nice coffee liquer from Germany, darker and more bitter than most coffee liquers, lovely.

British super hero blokes Sir Ranulph Fiennes and Dr Mike Stroud pictured after finishing the New York marathon, their seventh marathon is seven days, the full story on these awesome men may be found at The Times Online.
Quite pointless, the Yorkshire Soul mirror site.

Thanks to Simon.

This is Petra. Cute isn't she, quite hot, what a babe, and the best news is...........she wants to meet men, in ten years time, interests include picnics (one location only), swimming and sightseeing (well, looking through the barbed wire fence anyway) and trafficking in controlled substances, yes you've guessed, it's another Jailbabes site.

Monday, November 03, 2003

A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his
cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues. It had been a cold night, but he'd never thought anything like this would happen. The reality of the situation then dawned on him.

With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his impending poverty.

Just then, an elderly woman walked by, "What's the matter?" asked the old lady.
The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his predicament to the woman.

Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the cow's noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon back to normal and chewing the cud.

One by one the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full
of healthy animals. The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed. She declined his offer and walked off across the field.

A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer.
"You know who that was, don't you?" asked the passer-by.
"No" said the farmer "Who?".

"That was Thora Hird."

Thanks (I think) to JR.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

A quick blogsurf, starting with new girl to the linklist Dorna from Saint Lucia, she's reporting the great news that the Cricket World Cup 2007 will now stay in the West Indies and won't be going to Australia, hoorah!

From Dorna's Good Eggs list I pop over to Unrealistic Expectations where Russ' wife is having contractions, but even better, Insane Clown Posse are playing the theatre opposite his work and Russ provides plenty of pics of people painted up like utter twats, highly amusing.

Via the "Last 5 URL's (where I added my own of course)" I selected Goobita, hmmm, ok, Laura posts photo's of her cat and links to some ultra violent Japanese tv show, onwards then.

Birdherder, "the sky was smoky. the big fires to the east and north have made santa monica and west l.a. smell like something is burning. " Yes mate, something is burning, your entire bloody state, hasn't he seen the news ? Also Birdherders photolog thingy sits over the main blog so you can't read the most recent entry, oh well, maybe he's burned to death by now.

And finally this morning, Albino Blacksheep, which turns out to be a links list/download site with lots of amusing games, short films and oddities, enjoy.

Another lovely Ilkley sunset.
Silence Of The Lambs

Saturday, November 01, 2003

First day of the hunting season today, hunts up and down the country are expecting loads of hunt followers to come out and protest/support, I can't get out today but I wish all the hunts well, especially the nice folk we have met mink hunting during the summer.

The Countryside Alliance
Hoorah, we won the test series, and with it three consecutive away test wins, just to remind ourselves, Australia at Sydney then Bangladesh twice. Good show by the captain, the depleted bowling attack did well, Hoggard looked great but Johnson doing the damage.

What of Giles ? He's certainly made a better effort with the bat over the last 12 months but his bowling seems very poor, and why doesn't the captain have a little bowl every now and then ? He certainly used to baffle opposing batsman at the least, and did take Tendulkars wicket not so long ago.

Still on a sporting theme (although shooting fish in a barrel isn't so sporting), LUFC are at home to the Arse today, I expect a good show followed by a late Arse goal and we're really up shit creek.

A final piccy from Penny Farthings office, I particularly like the staff cruelty shown here, not only have they crammed them in like sardines, but they have forced them to wear a crap corporate uniform as well.