Wednesday, April 30, 2003

"Thank you for your report to the Internet Watch Foundation.

The material specified in your report falls outside of our remit of dealing with
potentially illegal hosted Internet content. We do not have the authority or
remit to investigate file sharing as the content is on individuals personal
computers and not ISP web servers.

We are aware of the program you reported and have previously passed specific
details of this and other file sharing applications to the National Criminal
Intelligence Service.

I am sorry we are unable to help directly in this matter, you may wish to report
it to the police yourself.

Thank you for your interest and support."

On to the police then.

Some years ago, my great Uncle Hinchcliffe died, I managed to book a couple of hours off from work to attend the service at the crematorium. It was raining when I arrived and the traffic had been busy so I was only just on time, I hurried into the chapel area, took a seat near the back and started to polish the raindrops from my glasses. Glasses back on, and I don't recognise anybody, well I am sat at the back, and Hinchcliffe presumably had a lot of friends that I didn't know, pick up the order of service............

"The commemoration of the life of Betty Shelton." I'll tell you now, there is no easy way to extricate yourself from a funeral service that is already underway, even if they are running late.

Monday, April 28, 2003

During a rambling kitchen discussion on Iraq, Europe, the Euro and Brussels, a member of staff who shall remain nameless said to me....

"So you're saying that Neil Kinnock fucked his son?"

"NO," I replied, already in a state of confusion.

"Yes you did, you said he was a nepotist". Remember folks, these children are our future, we're doomed.

Saturday, April 26, 2003

This is my new blogchalk:
United Kingdom, Yorkshire, Ilkley, Middleton, English, Mike, Male, 31-35, Wine, Sci-Fi/D&D. :)
Here's a fiendishly difficult little game for you, help Michael Jackson balance his baby up a pole, wearing a jetpack, no really, it's lots harder than it sounds.
It's obvious that Kazaa have no interest in the type of files shared on their service, so I have contacted the good people at the Internet Watch Foundation.

Friday, April 25, 2003

Diaper Bunney fights Wrestler Guy, well, i'm virtually lost for words.
Friday Five

I know, it's just that I'm feeling low on inspiration again.........

1. What was the last TV show you watched? One of those FBI Files type programs where assorted gun toting maniacs shoot their way around Nebraska/Idaho/Mars/Ryleh and the cops work out who did it from a chewed match found at the scene, but I fell asleep before they caught him.

2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem? Ahem, as per conversation at the meet, Kazaa have not responded. I'm not stating the nature of the complaint as there are some thinks I don't want to find in my referer log.

3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? Probably my new commis chef, compliment them when they've done well, keep them motivated, I hope.

4. What was the last thing you threw away? The empty foil container the previously held a rather tasty Keema Achari from the takeaway.

5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited? The Trigger (see left), to add it to the link list.
I have now added yet more links in the others section, just about everyone I met at the Novotel thingy, although I have a suspicion that I've missed one chap, if this is you, shout out! I'm going in to summer hibernation now, work is coming in thick and fast, hoorah, I'll make some money at last, winter is a lean time for me. It's off to the accountant on Monday, to find out how well we did last financial year, that'll cost me a fortune, I should have become an accountant, one phone call, that'll be several hundred pounds please!

Thursday, April 24, 2003

Now, we've all dossed around on Hot or Not, regular surfers may have come across 'Rate My Kitten', but gentlemen, I present for your titilation, Rate My Boobs, seriously, you don't have anything better to do for half an hour do you? Obviously not, that's why you can spend a few more minutes making half a man dance on a tightrope, or even more time whupping Saddam upside the head with an Adidas football boot.
It lives. I spent all day yesterday resplendent in my cross of St. George shirt which drew many favourable comments, as per usual though, most of the nation did sod all to commemorate our saints day, our town hall managed to fly the Union Jack for the whole day, doh. Here in Ilkley a local businessman ran a number of events over the weekend with St. George as the theme, I'll buy the infamous Ilkley Gazette later to find out how well they went.

I really did have a bad hangover yesterday, shouldn't really have had half a bottle before setting off. As for one item discussed at the meet, I have contacted Kazaa, despite the fact they make it very difficult for ordinary users to get in touch with them, we shall see what comes of it.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

I am badly hungover, blew the diet right out the window by consuming a double cheeseburger and a sack of chips, and the reason ? The Leeds&District Bloggers in Meatspace. I was late due and had to do some catching up in the drinks stakes, but I think I managed that quite well, a bottle and a half by midnight, Mrs YS reports that I was "Puddled" when I got home.

I met some nice folks, Bood and Kev, or is that Kev and Bood, nice lads but I confused the two of them all night. Also, 'Porno Boy' Rob and his delightful partner, erm, whose name I have forgotten in my drunken stupor, oh I think she's called Deb, Josie aka Dreamer, Grom - another proper name I have forgotten, from Gromblog, plus there was a Simon and his partner and another chap I didn't get to speak to.

I had a good night, we all missed Reddy, where were you girl ? Mrs YS won a load of money at the casino, I have a screaming hangover and can't be bothered to post anything about St. Georges Day, remember you are English, fly the flag.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

A direct commercial plug here. Laithwaites are the best company I have ever dealt with, for anything, period. They were off to a good start anyway as they supply my favourite thing in the world, naked pictures of Tatu, no, no ,no, wine. They always give away nice freebies with the wine, over the last year I have received.........
A natty green wine waiters apron
A set of six tasting glasses
A silver plated (possibly) bottle coaster and neck ring
A tartan picnic blanket (with waterproof underside I'll have you know)
A thermal bottle carrier to keep one bottle chilled or warmed as required
Many free bottles of wine

Granted, I have had to purchase wine to get all these freebies, but I buy lots of wine anyway. Delivery is always fast, guaranteed to be within 10 working days I think, but in my experience it has always been faster, and if you don't know what you are buying, when I decided to plunge in to the murky world of German classifications for example, they have charming, knowledgeable folk who are quite willing to chat with you for a while and sort out your Kabinetts from your Gotterdamerungs.

So if you are buying wine (online or not), give Laithwaites a go, and if the nice folk over there read read this totally unsolicited bit of praise and decided to send me a free bottle or two, I wouldn't object at all.
A few items from my links log.........
"Homo sex pics porn with latest sites" - # 8 on MSN
"Yorkshire sex dungeons" - # 4 on Yahoo (Didn't I tell you I've converted the cellar?)
"Naked pics of Brett Lee" - stop searching for things like this you disgusting perverts.

I have added a few more blogs in the links, so now you can waste an even greater part of your day online, say hello to Eleanor from Canada, Tora gives a daily slice of modern Islam in Islam 4 Real, and then two folks I'm hopefully going to meet tonight (work permitting, pray for rain), Bood and Kev.

Monday, April 21, 2003

Whilst Ian Duncan Smith was out campaigning last week a woman flashed her tits at him.
"That looks like two votes for the Tories" quipped the man.
One of my waiters was perusing my rack of cd's in the kitchen, looking for something to play that he recognised, after a few minutes he held aloft Endless-Nameless by the Wildhearts and said "Are there special shops for people like you ?". He managed to dodge the speeding carrot I flung from the other end of the room.
"Yes" said I, "It's called 'Don't Accept Mediocrity', this barb also failed to hit it's mark.
The match vs. Northants turned out to be a 12th Man sketch, the one where Australia chalk up 560-3 and bowl out Sri Lanka for 14, "Go on, run for cover you little buggers, you're taking a hell of a beating". A win for the Tykes by and innings and several hundred runs. Gough finished with figures of 6-81, good comeback, but how long will that knee last ?

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Woo hoo, Yorkshire, YORKSHIRE!!!!. 673 declared with a double century by Blakey, to put it mildly, Northants are buggered. An added bonus was Lancashire getting bowled out cheaply for a mere 599!
Yorkshiresoul's health check. Weight at Christmas 2001, 17 stone, and a bit. Weight now, 13 stone 7. Reason for this, the Atkins Diet and a lot of exercise, I row 20 kilometres at least three times a week.

The Atkins diet has many detractors and many question the basis of the diet, here an article from ITV News takes a brief overview of the diet, however, like many of the people that have a go at the diet they appear to have not read the book and thus make the same errors in criticism that appear here in a New York Newsday article. If you read to the bottom of the article though you will get to the point of what of what the Atkins Diet is really all about.

Yes, you can eat as much protein and fat as you want, yes, you should cut out all those carbs............BUT ONLY FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS! After that you need carbohydrates, from good sources like fresh vegetables, not from a source such as a pint of Coke. The diet remains high in protein and low in carbs, but should not cut out carbs altogether. If you are following the diet properly, and have read beyond the first couple of chapters of the book, your diet should become very healthy indeed, plenty of lean meat with heaps of vegetables, now doesn't that sound good ?

Atkins preaches that our bodies are not sufficiently evolved to process the large amounts of refined carbohydrates found in the modern diet, he claims that our diet has changed massively in just a few decades (and he's right), but on the evolutionary scale, our bodies have an awful lot of catching up to do.

Sadly, the man himself has recently died, although it was not related to the diet.

Personally, I have never suffered from any of the so-called 'common' side effects of the diet, constipation (I always include plenty of curry in my Atkins, so no problem there), lethargy - I always feel more lethargic when I'm off the diet and snacking bread, chips and chocolate all day, I'm full of energy when I am Atkinsing. Never the less, there are serious issues attached to the diet which people should be aware of, so here are a few more links on the subject.
Atkins Diet Alert by the Physicians for Responsible Medicine
Advice on low carb diets
Low carb dieters resource site
Homepage of low carb resources
Analysis of the Atkins diet

The main thing is, before you try any major diet or exercise plan, especially if you are 35 or older, do as Dr.Atkins advises right at the start of the book and go and see your own doctor. If you are going to try the Atkins diet, read the book first, read the whole book, not just the first couple of chapters or you will be left with the same, dangerous, misconceptions that many detractors have.

Saturday, April 19, 2003

I'm thinking about getting some more tatoo work done, should I use this guy for inspiration?
It has been a while since I did any dating stuff here on YS, so for those of you who are missing their fix of russian brides and mail order philipino girls, I present for your dlectation and delight, the willing girls of Coonesville Trailer Park, get 'em while they're hot boys.
The opening day of the new season, and what a day. Promotion favourites Yorkshire ripped through a shaky Northants batting line up, Darren 'Me knees gone' Gough took 3-40, Chris Silverwood took 3 and there was some steady bowling from Hoggard. Then, our supposedly out of touch (according to the Yorkshire Post anyway) vice-captain rattles off a quick century to leave the Tykes at 210-2 and in command of the game, well done lads.

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Dreamer over at Minddump is organising a beer/wine thing, next Tuesday night, Novotel Leeds, I'm going. The invite has been thrown open, bloggers/readers/stalkers, who's up for it ? Redmaiden, she say yes. How about P ? Fancy a glass or two ?
The Faggot Family.
My Yankee readers will naturally assume this is the story of a gay couple and their adopted children, but no, this is the heartwarming tale of an everyday family who just love eating Mr Brains Faggots, though if you ask me, little Grace is wearing an expression that says........."I'm only doing this for Dad."
Here we go folks, get that hitometer revved up, it's lesbian teen pop sensation Tatu. The scurrilous Daily Star had a banner headline on Friday reading "Should Tatu be banned ?", the answer is of course not, what the hell would I write about then ? The DS was alleging that Tatu were creating a pedophile paradise by offering free concert tickets to schoolgirls as long as they came along in sexy schoolgirl outfits, I had to ring the phoneline fourteen times before I convinced them I was Emma from St.Rogering in the Bush Grammar.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

I'm not sure if this page is aimed at would be vetenarians, or would be animal sacrificing satanists, either way you can expand your knowledge of the interior of farmyard animals at the Virtual Fetal Pig Dissection, nice, not. Not safe for vegetarians or animal rights wackos.
There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'
The coat of arms of Lancashire is said to contain both a thief and a side of bacon, because both are better for hanging, and in the opposite quarters to have a flea and a Frenchman, to represent both sponging and backbiting.

Monday, April 14, 2003

Go Girl Go !!

She's wonderful, an awesome athlete and an all round nice person. I know this isn't a picture from yesterday, but in this one she's wrapped in the Cross of St. George which is always a good thing.

I would really like to do the marathon, I'm sure I could walk 26 miles, my target wouldn't be to beat Paula, but to beat that 93 year old chap that took part, and if he dies between this race and the next, so much the better really as I think the coffin will hamper him even further.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

I've nicked this from Blogjam, it's our old friend the Iraqi Information Minister again.
This week I have still been drinking French wine, and still having Maille mustard with my steak, but these are items I had purchased a while ago and I am not buying any more. I honestly think France has stabbed us in the back too often. Every political dispute in France seems to bring a blockade of the Channel Tunnel and ports, but no barriers go up on the border crossings to Spain, Germany, Belgium or Italy, strikes over petrol prices - blockade the chunnel, strikes over raises in VAT - blockade the chunnel.

We rescued France, along with the Americans. What have we had in return ? After the foot and mouth episode is long gone France (and Germany) still banned meat imports despite being ordered to allow them by the EU, and yet France (and Germany) play merry hell when we go against the UN, pot and kettle ? They are happy to accept our tourist Euro's, happy to sell their vastly overpriced Claret to us (but how long will this last when the rest of the world is making quality wine at more reasonable prices ?), happy to have the Brits visit Paris in our tens of thousands and spend, spend, spend.

France, you have had our money, in two wars you have had our loyalty (sorry, if you are French you'll have to check that last word in a dictionary), our resolve and the very best of two generations of our young men are buried in your country, and in return you spit in our faces.
I'm only one man, and the purchasing power of one man won't make a lot of difference to you, but there are an awful lot of 'one men' over here who feel the same way.
Tonight, possibly the last Dungeons&Dragons session of the season. It's taken us about a year to hack through the Rod Of Seven Parts (but good value for money !), hopefully we will get through the final, climactic battle tonight without too much digressing on football, cricket, bands, books, childrens ailments etc.
Good day to you, it's fine and frosty again here in the Wharfe Valley. We hosted the first club match of the season yesterday, a friendly vs. County Cricketers featuring such luminaries as Peter Hartley, who is obviously multi talented and plays off three, Peter Parfitt of Middlesex and England, and our own 'Fiery' Fred Trueman. Ilkley lost the opening days play 4-1, but it is more of a social match than a real team game.

Freddy Trueman was spoofed in the Yorkshire Post on April 1st when it claimed that boundary changes made after Mr. Trueman was born revealed that he was actually born in Lancashire!! There was uproar in the bar on Thursday, when Freddy arrived all the gents he plays with went quiet and he was solemnly presented with a single red rose, I can't repeat what was said.

Saturday, April 12, 2003

As quickly as possible please.

We thought much the same about them over here.
Mrs. YS does not like spiders, if I come home to find telephone directories scattered around the living room I know there's a dead spider under each one, however, I think she would have to throw the combined Encyclopedia Brittanica to kill this spawn of evil.

Friday Five

1. What was the first band you saw in concert? I can't honestly remember, I have seen so many, but I had a big thing for Marillion and used to go all over to see them, or it might have been Status Quo.

2. Who is your favorite artist/band now? This changes almost daily, I'm very keen on the Datsuns, InMe, Placebo and The Streets.

3. What's your favorite song? Choose just one!! Erm, Grendel - Marillion, or it could be One - Metallica, or In My Darkest Hour - Megadeth, or maybe Caffiene Bomb - Wildhearts.

4. If you could play any instrument, what would it be? The electric guitar of course, throwing shapes, screaming solo's, playing it with my teeth - elbows - forehead in front of a crowd of thousands, wearing a leopard print leotard and cowboy boots, wahey!

5. If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why? I have met a few, and the thing is, quite often they're not all that bright and are a bit of a let down, I would like to meet Brian Molko, he seems bright and witty as well as being sharp, catty and unpredictable.
I wonder what is being said at the the losers conference in Moscow ? Something along the lines of we've really made an arse of this and the Iraqi's might never forgive us for it. Anyway, I did want to bring you the rather wonderful We love the Iraqi information minister dot com, but as you can see from clicking on the link, their hits have gone through the roof and bombed the server, let's hope it is back up soon. Are you as big a fan of the Info Minister as I am ? What a bloke, he'd be #1 employee in anybody's organisation, you know he's going to do the job to the bitter end, he is Monty Pythons Black Knight.

"You can't carry on, your arms come off"
"No it hasn't, it's only a flesh wound"
"There's a tank, look!"
"There are no Americans in Baghdad!"

What a class act, I think he's escaped, probably spirited away by ABC to anchor a new evening chat show

Friday, April 11, 2003

The new cricket season approaches, and despite being in the 2nd Division I'm still looking forward to it, at least the teams are playing well in pre-season.......
Both the Yorkshire 1st XI and 2nd XI had successful days with the bat in their respective matches yesterday.

The first team playing Durham at the Riverside made 472-7 in their innings.
Captain Anthony McGrath made 108 including 19 x 4s.
Wicket-keeper Richard Blakey made 118 scoring 5 x 6s and 10 x 4s. Matthew Wood hit a half-century as did Gary Fellows and Chris Silverwood ended on 31 not out.
Gavin Hamilton also chipped in with 28. All eyes will be on Gavin today as Yorkshire go out to bowl.

In the 2nd XI match at Headingley Yorkshire made 437-9 against Bradford/Leeds University from 74 overs.
Darren Gough made 79 off 80 balls, Michael Lumb made 72 off 74 balls and young bowler Tim Bresnan made 102 from 79 balls including 5 x 6s and 13 x 4s.

Here is the official Yorkshire CCC site, but it is one of those annoying ones without a top nav bar, more worrying, when I checked it yesterday, we only had 10 players in the 1st team! And one of those is Darren 'Permanent Injury' Gough.

Two out of three of Mrs. YS' younger brothers play for Burley-In-Wharfedale Cricket Club, you might have to use the side nav bar there, middle brother Rob has crossed the floor to play for Olicanians, youngest brother Chris has been made Vice Captain, well done young man.

Cricket is a great game, I can happily sit out and watch almost any match, at any level of skill, enjoy a glass of wine or two, walk the boundary and chat to the old folk who have been watching Brockmarsh 3rd 11 since 1928, sides like Totty St. Johns, this is great, full of info and in jokes, digs at each others fitness and playing ability, and one fact that personally I would have kept very quiet, they once managed to score 3 all out. Cheers to Dr. P and best wishes for the forthcoming season.
Work beckons. I started this blog close to the end of the last golf season, and now the start of the new season is nearly upon me, so expect a lot less activity on Yorkshiresoul over the summer months, I'll be cooking breakfasts rather than pratting about on the net. Due to idots giving back word at the last minute, I've also got no full time staff, anyone want a job ? It's not just the last minute changing of minds that annoys me, it's the fact that I have got to lash out another £150 advertising the job again.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Those of us who have access to TV when we should be working were able to watch the astounding pictures of the Americans rolling into the centre of Baghdad yesterday. The cheering crowds (ok, so it was a division 3 away match crowd) pulling down the statue of Saddam.

I pinched this picture from the photo gallery at the BBC, featuring the one and only, all together now............"There's only one Rageh Omar, one Rageh Ooooomar!"

Watching the happy folk in Basra and Baghdad, I wonder in the years to come, what the Iraqis will think of countries like France and Germany, who were determined to stop their liberation.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--- General George S. Patton
No blog yesterday, was I too busy working ? No, i have discovered one of the joys of broadband, illegal file sharing with Kazaa. Presumably this is a company that will go the way of Napster, but in the meanwhile, the temptation to increase my collection of obscure punk, gothic metal and Marillion oddities (Whoo, Grendel live!) is too great.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

It's a pity this doesn't have a scoring system, but it's fun and educational, see how many times it takes you to work out just where the hell kyrgysztan is ?
I've always hated country music, but Geoge Bush Jnr. singing Oh Saddamy has made me look at the genre in a new light. (Probably the light of a detonating bunker buster)

Monday, April 07, 2003

Sometimes you hear heart warming stories about celebs and things they do for their fans, like the girl who was brought out of a coma by the sound of Bryan Adams voice (payback for all the coma's he induced with the awful 'Everything I do'), but here is incontrovertible evidence that Cameron Diaz is a heartless bitch.
I my constant search to bring you the very latest in hot fashion, how about these, I approve. I'm not at all sure that I approve of this young man's apparel though.
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh

(Thanks to John, and there's heaps more to come, lol)

Sunday, April 06, 2003

Leeds score 6 goals, yes, that's right, s - i - x
Although all round lazy bastard Kewell scored a blinder, and the exciting hard working Viduka turned up (as opposed to the can't be bothered Viduka who has played most of the season), our stupendous victory was mostly down to this man.
I'm taking a tray out from under the grill and have not noticed that the cloth I am holding the tray with is damp, halfway to the table this becomes clear as searing heat begins to scorch my fingertips, with a rather girly shriek of pain I drop the tray. It lands heavily, showering hot fat across the stack of serviettes I have just folded, bugger, worse, it has landed squarely on top of my brand new measuring jug. Reaching for a dry cloth, I pick the tray up, now with the measuring jug melded to its underside, and give it a shake. Success, the jug comes free, trailing threads of molten plastic it sails gracefully through the air and splashes down, literally, in a pan of freshly made soup, the part of the kitchen that is not now coated in congealing fat is now doused in broccoli soup.

I'm a professional you know, amateurs just can't manage this level of mayhem.
The following breeds are now recognized by the Kennel Club:

Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Bull Terrier + Shitzu
Oh, never mind....

(Thanks to John, the Peekaso made me laugh!)

Saturday, April 05, 2003

Recipe for ice cream,
2 pints heavy cream
1 bottle Karo clear corn syrup
1 12 ox bag semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 12-oz jar marachino cherries, drained
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 tsp almond extract
3 gallons liquid nitrogen.
How do we know Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?

Friday, April 04, 2003

Manfred Lubitz was a German pensioner who moved
to a Spanish holiday resort in search of a more
exciting life. Unfortunately his search for
thrills lead to him electrocuting himself last
week with a home-made sex toy.

Manfred wired himself up to a gadget which
had a vibrating mat, massage pads and electrodes
attached to his genitals, and then settled back
to watch porn movies while receiving an electric

His body was found by the local police. "There
seems to have been a power surge while he was
watching a film called Hot Vixen Nuns," they
said. "The flat was damp."

Prior to his death, Lubitz boasted to friends that
his Orgasmatron, named after a sex machine in
the Woody Allen film Sleeper, "was better than
a woman, and a lot cheaper".

Thanks to Popbitch.
I'm in bitter frustration over the dismal effort BT have made with my broadband connection, I'm on whizzy fast bb this morning, but have no phone, good eh? So, I can't think of anything original to write so le us tour the blogs instead.

Anjarchista is overworked, stressed and generally not a happy girl. Her evil employers have installed a machiavellian shift system possibly designed by Saddams torturers to extract information by the sleep denial method, she needs your kind words and support. (She's still Nordic, blonde and gorgeous though!)

Ryan over at Beatniksalad continues with sharp and incisive comments about the war, Popbitch and sudden, unexplained death syndrome, very few recover apparently.

Fraser shows us that just as many freaks visit Blogjam as visit Yorkshiresoul, over there they don't look for Tatu naked, they look for Mongolian sluts (same thing??), Pissing Trousers, and of course Sex Woman Russian Amputee, eeuw.

Brian and the rest of the gang at Scrag Ends have reams of witty and sarcastic comment about the war, politics and Abdul, the Iraqi suicide rat.

Kitteh appears still to be on the downslope of her emotional rollercoaster, more annoyingly, she often posts tantalising glimpses in to her love life and then removes them again, but the good news is, and I quote "{x} Can you do anything freakish with your body? Yes but I'm not telling :o) ", come on Kitteh, we demand to know!

Terry draws cartoons, contributes to Scrag Ends, and is mad enough to publish his home phone number so Dangerous Sex Perverts can make late night badger watching calls to him.

Peter has all the useful information, war reports, football reviews and the walking speed of elephants.

Dave appears to be considering an affair, and you can have your tuppence worth on which lucky lady he should have a go at pulling.

Dreamer posts all sorts of things, I like this blog, clear and easy to read.

Redmaiden is back from her trip to the Far East, she says she hasn't contracted SARS, but we're staying at a safe distance just in case.
Here is a nice little picture, shamelessly stolen from the brilliant Mindump, that reminds us just how grateful the French are for saving their nation, not once, but twice...................

Thursday, April 03, 2003

At 6pm tonight, the big event, I'm going broadband, wahey, more porn faster!
I have added another blog of remarkable good taste (i.e. one that links to me), it's called Beatniksalad, written by a young Mancunian named Ryan, as yet I don't know which side of the city he is, but let us hope it's blue rather than scum.
Here, just for the masses that still come looking for pictures of Tatu naked, is a picture of Tatu in a wet t-shirt competition, the word you are looking for is Arooga!
There is a core of us, supporting our heroes in Iraq, who believe that there is another rogue nation deserving of our tender mercies after we have finished with Saddam, here you can see our brave lads indicating where the next military action should take place.........(thanks to John)

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

Reading the side of a tube of athletes foot cream, as you do, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the cream can also be used to cure Dhobie Itch. Now, I have no idea what this is, but you must agree, it sounds bad.

The scene.........A battlefield in the Boer War, General Frampton-Plushington is sat reading last months Times when Colonel Barking Twice-Nightly arrives.

GFP - "Something wrong Barking?"
CBTN - "It's Yorkshiresoul sir, he's got Dhobie Itch"
GFP (leaps to feet, knocking over tea tray and breaking best china cup) "Gad sir! Dhobie Itch! Have you quarantined the man?"
CBTN - "Yes, but I fear he's been, ah, dallying with the camp followers sir"
(Both stare in horror in the direction of their wedding tackle)
GFP - "Barking, rouse the surgeon and break out the athletes foot cream"
CBTN - "Sir, we ate the last of the cream yesterday evening"
GFP - "I thought that last bit of brie tasted rough. Well Barking, there's only one thing to do, die bravely in battle with the bodies of a thousand kaffirs piled around us"
CBTN - (tears of happiness shining on his cheeks, salutes) "Yes Sir!"